The Nanny
by Two Girls One Account
Summary: Magnus and Alec decide to adopt a baby, but because of their busy schedule and lazy housemate Jace, they need someone to take care of the baby. That's where Clary comes in. Malec and Clace
1. Chapter 1

**For everyone who was begging for a sequel to The Surrogate... this is not it! This is, however, an AU of the surrogate. Because why would we write something original when we could write fanfiction of our fanfiction?**

**PLEASE NOTE: You do not need to read The Surrogate to understand this fic. But it's really funny and awesome, so why wouldn't you read it? Check out our account and read it now if you haven't already. Or read it again just for funsies.**

Is She Hot?

Magnus entered the living room which was currently set up like an auditorium with all the chairs facing one way. He twirled in his silk kimono as the opening song to the Lion King played. He lifted the small baby in his arms over the heads of those sitting on the the love seat and the wooden dining room chairs and swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music.

"Is anyone else really confused?" Isabelle mumbled.

"Yeah," Robert agreed. "Why is Magnus holding a baby?"

"THIS IS A BABY SHOWER!" Magnus exclaimed, his swaying continued. "THIS IS MY SON JAMES!"

Alec, who was leaning against the doorway, rolled his eyes. "Don't look at me. This wasn't my idea."

"I'm a grandmother?" Maryse squealed, jumping up to take the baby from Magnus, immediately swaddling him in her weird old lady scarf. "It's about time. I've been waiting for _years _for this!"

Isabelle sighed exasperatedly. "I'm 24. Why do you want me to have a baby so badly?"

"I wasn't talking about you," Maryse hissed. "You don't have the hips for it anyway."

Robert reclined himself in his chair, all sense of surprise gone already. "James is a nice name. Who chose it?"

"I did," Jace smiled, standing and waving like the queen of England.

"Is no one asking about how they just suddenly got a baby out of nowhere with no explanation," Isabelle said, finally standing from her chair.

Magnus snorted. "Please, adoption agencies are desperate to have more handsome gay couples in their catalogues. They practically threw the baby at us. And if you really want to know how we decided to have a baby, I'll have to tell you via flashback."

_[FLASHBACK]_

Alec sipped his coffee, flipping to the next page of today's newspaper. "How did you sleep?" he asked his husband who stood at the other side of the kitchen island pouring himself a second cup of herbal tea.

"I slept quite soundly. And you?"

Alec shrugged, still too tired to make any kind of real conversation.

"Alexander," Magnus said before sipping his tea. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Alec grunted, finally setting down the paper to refill his coffee.

"I think we should take our relationship to the next level."

"Magnus, we're married. What next level is th—" Alec stopped, realization hitting him like a truck. "Oh. You mean… like… adoption."

Magnus nodded excitedly.

"I think that's a great idea," Alec said, a grin spread across his face. "We can go to the shelter some time this week."

"Shelter?"

"Oh, did you want one of the younger variety? I could look into finding a breeder."

"Alec, what in God's name are you talking about?"

"I'm thinking a German Shepherd. Or maybe a dalmation. If we're getting a dog we may as well go big or go home."

Magnus sighed, resting his elbows on the kitchen island and clapping his hands over his face. "Not what I meant."

"Oh. You mean…. A human?"

"Yes, Alexander, a human baby."

Alec stared at his husband for a moment, then reached for his cup of coffee and chugged the whole thing in two sips as though it were a refreshing cup of ice tea. "Ok. I think it would be reasonable to at least talk about it."

Magnus squealed, jumping up and down like the child they would soon be plagued with. "Thank god you agreed, everyone will be here in an hour. I need to change into my kimono. Please get the Lion King soundtrack ready."

"For what?"

"The baby shower!" Magnus exclaimed. He reached down behind the kitchen island and pulled out what looked like a bundle of blue blankets. "Here's the baby."

"Wait what?"

"And here's the lion onesie. Come on Alec, there isn't a moment to waste!"

_[END OF FLASHBACK]_

"I hope that answers all your questions," Magnus said, fanning out his kimono and sitting dramatically.

"That didn't really answer any of our questions," Isabelle muttered.

"Yeah," Alec agreed. "Like, I know you said that the adoption agency wanted more gay couples, not that there's a shortage of them, but how did you go through all the interviews without me?"

Magnus swung his arm over to point at Jace, who stood and bowed. "Ladies and gentlemen, please meet my lovely husband, Jace Herondale slash Alec Lightwood."

Alec made a very offended sound. "How dare you. I could have done it!"

"Alec, please. You look like a child eater." That statement earned him a sharp elbow in the ribs from Jace. Magnus cleared his throat and tried again. "My love, you are the most socially constipated person I have ever—" another elbow. He tried one more time. "You are awkward and quiet. Jace is charming and outgoing. I'm sorry but I did what I had to do. After our first interview they basically gave us a baby. They told us that a woman was giving up her baby a month from then and that we could have it."

"Was she hot?" Max asked, finally looking up from his Switch.

"What?"

"The mom," Max continued, clearly already losing interest. "Was she hot."

"We didn't really see her," Jace shrugged. "But yeah, she was."

"We only saw her back." Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace. "Her hair was stuffed into a beanie."

"And she had an amazing ass," Jace agreed.

"What was she wearing?" Isabelle asked, ignoring Jace.

Jace continued anyway. "It was a perfect handful, but a little bit more. Almost too much to handle."

"Jeans and a T-shirt," Magnus talked over Jace. "It wasn't even a nice shirt. It was really baggy. And brown." He shivered, like imagining the shirt was his worst nightmare.

"Tacky," Isabelle mumbled.

"Says the one with a butterfly tramp stamp," Max mumbled. "Except it's not on your back, it's half on your ass cheeks."

"Speaking of ass cheeks," Jace continued...

**Just a reminder to check out the Surrogate if you haven't read it. It'll make a lot of the jokes here a lot funnier ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

Soulless Ginger Nanny

Alec reached over to straighten Jace's tie. "Would you at least try to look a little presentable?"

"Remind me again why you didn't bring your actual husband." Jace rolled his eyes.

"WELL HE DIDN'T LET ME PICK MY FUCKING BABY SO HE'S NOT GONNA PICK THE NANNY, OK?!"

Jace cleared his throat. "Alright, I'm sensing a little bit of tension there."

Alec took a deep breath. "It's fine. Can we just get the first person in here?" he called, sitting back in his chair and trying his best to relax as the door opened and the first interviewee entered.

A petite blonde girl stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. She was probably a few years younger than Jace, with long hair braided back and a cute little pink dress. She sat down in the chair across from Jace and Alec, smoothing out her skirt and placing her hands delicately on her lap. "Hi, I'm Maureen," she said, reaching over to give them both a firm handshake.

"Hi Maureen," Jace smiled while Alec started flipping through her file. "Tell us a little about yourself."

"Well, I have about eight years of nannying experience. My last family let me go because their son was old enough to take care of himself. I play the guitar. I'm distantly related to the Rhode Island Rapist. And I really love kids! They're so great and cute and soft and fun to touch. I love touching children."

Alec looked up from the file. "Sorry, what?"

"I just love touching them!" She said enthusiastically. "Especially when they're really young. I mean, you know what they say. The younger the softer!"

"Greeeeeeaaaaaaaat," Alec said, trying to keep the disgust from his voice. "Thanks so much, we'll let you know."

Maureen smiled and stood from her chair, smoothing out her skirt again and walking out the door, closing the door behind her..

"She wasn't so bad," Jace said, smiling coyly. "She seems like a really hands-on nanny."

The door swung open again and the blonde girl returned. "Oh, I almost forgot," her smile brightened a bit. "I was supposed to tell you at the beginning of the meeting that I'm on the sex offenders list."

"For what?" Jace asked.

"Nope." Alec tossed the file into the trash. "Next," he called, picking up the next file as Maureen turned to leave and the next candidate entered and shut the door behind her. "So, Kaelie, tell us about yourself."

The tall girl smiled, coming to sit down.

On Jace's lap.

She smiled at the two boys, grinding her hips into Jace as she said; "Well, I'm great with kids, especially when it comes to making them." She turned around, straddled Jace and winked at him seductively. "I've had four kids already, and unfortunately I didn't have the privilege of raising them, but I'm sure they're all in great homes."

"Why couldn't you raise them?"

Kaelie shrugged, leaning more into Jace as he leaned as far back and away as the backrest would allow. "Apparently it's 'frowned upon' to do meth with kids in the house or whatever. It was some stupid technicality."

"K great, thanks for your time," Jace said, shoving Kaelie to the floor and brushing himself off like he was scrubbing herpes from his clothes.

Kaelie grunted, picking herself off the floor and turning to leave.

The next girl to come in was as petite as the first. Her short black hair came down to her shoulders and she was wearing a crisp grey pant suit. "Hello," she said, sweeping her arm like Vanna White as she sat down. "Before you ask me any questions, I would just like to say that if you choose me as your nanny, I will be raising this baby as a true Catholic—"

"Nope," Alec said, cutting her off. "Thanks for your time, have a nice day. Goodbye."

"But I didn't even get to—"

"Get out."

Aline sighed, clearly used rejection. She stood and left without another word.

"Next, Meliorn," Alec said, trying his best not to mispronounce the name.

A tall man entered the room. He had long blond hair pulled to the side in a dutch braid, a flower crown rested on his head. He had a guitar slung over his bare shoulder. The only thing he had on that may have resembled a shirt was a sleeveless tasseled jacket, left open to show off his chiseled abs. He wore jean shorts, which obviously used to be jeans and were cut to show off his upper thighs. He wore no shoes, and his feet and legs were covered in mud all the way up to his knees.

"No," Alec said, after glancing up from the file and seeing him. "No. No. Get out."

Meliorn turned around and left without a word, a sad look on his face.

"Wow Alec, way to judge someone on their appearance, He could have been the perfect fit."

The next person to walk in, Sebastian Verlac according to the file, was tall and properly dressed. He smiled at the two boys and—

"Nonononononononono get out no the answer is no goodbye." Jace stood, shoving Sebastian out of the room before he could even shake Alec's hand.

"Hypocrite," Alec scoffed. "What was wrong with him? He seemed nice. He was even wearing khakis."

"He had rapist eyes," Jace hissed, sitting back down and gripping Alec's shoulder. "Rapist eyes, Alec."

"Well, now we only have one more candidate," Alec complained, obviously worried that they wouldn't find someone today.

"She's hot," Jace commented, looking at the photo in her file.

The girl entered the room quietly, shutting the door behind her. She came to sit down in front of Jace and Alec. "Is it just me or did that last guy have rapist eyes?"

"Thaaank you," Jace said, looking at Alec with a smirk. "I'm an excellent judge of character."

Alec rolled his eyes, ignoring him, and turning back to the girl. "So, Clary, tell us a little about yourself and your past job experience."

Clary cleared her throat nervously. "I used to work at this small daycare across town, but the place wasn't receiving enough business so they had to close down. But I had worked there for almost four years before, so I have a lot of experience with children. And I took care of my brother a lot growing up."

"Oh, you have a younger brother?"

"No," Clary shook her head. "He's two years older than me, but he's a huge baby."

"You're hired!" Jace exclaimed.

"What?" Clary asked.

"What?" Alec yelled.

"I told you," Jace nodded. "I'm a great judge of character. And Clary here is perfect to raise our child."

"_Our _child? Jace, you're not the father."

"I named this baby," Jace countered. "And I'm the godfather slash uncle slash mentor."

"Who ever said you were the godfather?" Alec scoffed.

"Alec, please." Jace turned back to Clary. "Anyway, you start next Monday."

Alec leaned in to Jace and whispered harshly; "Jace, I don't need a soulless ginger nanny!"

Clary leaned over, covering the very small distance between their chairs. "Yeah, and she probably doesn't have a masters degree in child psychology from NYU either."

Alec leaned back, not seeming at all ashamed that she had heard his very loud whispering. "Do you really?"

Clary smiled and nodded.

Alec sighed and looked over her file again. "Alright… Monday it is."

**You'll probably start to notice a few callbacks to The Surrogate in this chapter lol we're garbage**

**Hope you enjoy! **

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	3. Chapter 3

No Showering on Tuesdays

Clary knocked on the tall oak door, maybe a little too aggressively, and tried her best not to feel awkward as she stood with all of her belongings stuffed into one small duffle bag.

The door swung open widely, the tall blond guy whom she had met before stood in the doorway. "Hey beautiful," he winked. "Where's the rest of your stuff?"

"What?"

"Your stuff," Jace repeated, taking the small bag from Clary. "You know you're moving in today right?"

Clary laughed nervously. "Yeah, I know. I, uh, I guess you could say I'm a bit of a minimalist. You know… lighter load, lighter spirit. Or whatever."

Jace nodded, obviously attempting to be nice about whatever hippie shit she just spewed. "So why don't you come inside?"

Clary stepped inside, trying not to gawk at the enormous house she had just stepped into. She tried her best to keep her mouth from falling open when she looked up to see the huge crystal chandelier hanging in the entryway. "So," she said nonchalantly. "About my pay…"

Jace nodded leading her out of the entrance hall and through the house. "Yes, we will be discussing all of that today. Just follow me to the kitchen."

Clary could have sworn the walk to the kitchen was almost 5 minutes. "How do you afford all of this?" she mumbled, not really expecting anyone to hear or respond.

"We're rich as fuck," Jace responded without hesitation, escorting her into the kitchen where Alec was sitting at the kitchen island, reading glasses perched on his nose as he read over some very important looking documents.

He looked at her over the rim of his spectacles. "Oh, you're here. Wonderful." He stacked all the pages he was going over and spun the neat stack to face her, handing her a pen. "Please sign."

Clary squinted at the pages. "What is this?"

Alec shrugged. "Just a simple contract stating the hours you'll work and your duties as a nanny. Looking after the baby, cleaning up after him, feeding him, bathing him, etcetera etcetera. Standard house ru—"

"No showering on Tuesdays?"

Alec's professionalness suddenly melted away. "Showers are significantly more slippery on Tuesdays," he said, a hint of rage in his eyes. "You can't shower. Or you will slip. And you _will _die."

Clary, feeling only slightly threatened, reached for the pen to sign the contract, not bothering to read any of the other clauses until later.

"Wonderful," Alec exclaimed, his cheerful disposition returning. He took back the signed pages, giving Clary her copy of the contract and slipping the other into a filing cabinet next to the fridge. "Let's give you the tour."

Alec led Clary out of the enormous kitchen, into the equally enormous hallway, up an enormous staircase. Jace shouldered past Alec, taking the lead. "That door we just passed down there goes to the basement. That will be your living space. Up here is the baby's room on the left, and if you follow me right here on the right," he said, ushering them deeper into the hallway to a door that led to a very nice, large room that looked more like a condo. "This is my room," he said with a flirtatious smile. "Feel free to visit any time."

"Wait," Clary said, confused. "Don't you mean your and Alec's room?"

Alec chuckled. "No, Jace and I aren't together."

"But… Wait, who's the other father?"

"It is I, Magnus Bane!" came a voice from inside Jace's room. A tall man in a classy white suit and bedazzled bow tie stepped out of the door, throwing a handful of glitter into the air. He stepped through the glitter, taking Clary's hand and bending down to kiss it.

Alec screamed, startled. "What were you doing in there?"

"Alexander, please, we planned this entrance."

Jace shook his head at Alec. "Yeah Alexander."

"Wait," Clary said, turning to Jace. "But, if you're not part of the couple, why do you live here?"

"It's a sad story really," Magnus said, leaning back against the wall. "His father died when he was young, and I suppose his mother couldn't handle the pressure of raising a nine year old child alone so she shipped him off to an orphanage until he was eventually adopted by Alec's family a couple years later. Once his mother died of a drug overdose, he inherited all of his parents riches. Ever since, he's had awful abandonment issues and the only way he would move out of Maryse's house is if he moved in with Alec. So here he is, a millionaire with the personality of an actual baby, living here and refusing to pay rent."

There was a loud sobbing noise, more like a scream really, echoing from down the hall.

"Jace, stop crying," Alec hissed.

"It's not me," he said, wiping a tear from his cheek.

"Yeah Alec. Jace is crying quietly this time. It's the baby."

"Oh yeah," Alec mumbled. "Forgot we had one of those."

Clary shuffled down the hallway towards the baby's room.

The others followed her quietly, hoping she would forget they were there as she stepped inside the huge nursery, scooping the baby up from his small crip.

Once she settled him into her arms, the baby quieted down immediately.

"See Alec," Magnus whispered. "I told you, babies need a strong maternal presence. They can sense the uterus."

"He's beautiful," Clary mumbled, a slight sadness in her voice that she was obviously trying to choke down. "What's his name?"

"James."

"That's a good name," she sniffed, cradling the quiet baby and pulling him closer.

"Are you ok?"

Clary placed the baby back into his cradle gently. She wiped her tears from her cheeks and turned back to the boys all huddled at the doorway. "I'm fine," she lied.

"Alright, enough with the baby," Magnus said, ushering her out of the nursery. "Clarissa, darling, you must be dying to see your room."

"How did you know my full name?"

"Unimportant. Follow me downstairs." Magnus scooped Clary into his arms and slid down the railing on his butt like Mary Poppins, which only made Clary shit herself a little (ok a lot.) Magnus set her down at the bottom of the stairs and led her towards the door they had passed on their way up. "Welcome to your new home," he said swinging the door open in one big sweeping motion.

Clary stepped inside the small room, her jaw dropping. "This is all mine?" she asked, tearing up a little. "It's perfect," she said, sitting on the ground and curling up into a ball. "I can sleep right here," she said, stretching out her legs. "I can stretch my legs out all the way. This is amazing!"

"Clary, this is a closet. You're making us all sad please get up. I opened the wrong door."

"How did you not notice all the coats hanging up?" Jace mumbled, helping her off the floor.

"I was ok with sharing."

Jace led her out of the closet and towards the other door across the archway.

"_This _is your room," Magnus corrected, opening the door with the same dramatic sweep.

"Wow," Clary said, her voice echoing down the curving staircase. "This whole staircase is mine?"

"Yes."

"Is this railing mine?"

"Yes."

"Is this wall mine?"

"Yes."

"Is this—"

Jace grabbed Clary around the waist, clapping his other hand over her mouth. He lifted her off the step and began walking down the stairs as though she weighed nothing. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, Jace plopped Clary back down, removing his hand from her mouth only for her mouth to fall open right before she collapsed, her small body clunking against the hardwood floor.

"Dear god," Magnus mumbled, poking her with the toe of his shoe. "Did we kill her?"

Clary gasped, sitting up abruptly and pushing herself to her feet. "I'm okay," she said, wiping the drool from her mouth.

She stared out at the large apartment-like room. There was a full kitchen, a bedroom with an actual bed, and to Clary's amazement, a bathroom that you could fit your whole body in.

Clary gawked at all the amazing things that they kept hidden under their mansion. A flat screen TV, a jacuzzi tub, a chair where all four legs were the same length, a sink with real water coming out of it.

Clary opened a door set in the middle of one of the many hallways. The small broom closet seemed just the right size for Clary to curl up in. "Ooooooh," she said, finally understanding. "This is my room." She smiled, going to curl up on the floor again, but Jace pulled her back before she could.

"No, Clary, this whole place is yours."

"What do you mean?" she asked, obviously not understanding.

"Well," Alec said delicately. "You know how you were saying that the stairs are yours?"

Clary nodded.

"And the railing?"

She paused, thinking for a moment. Then she nodded her head.

"And the wall?"

Another nod.

"Well," Alec continued, trying his best not to talk too quickly. "All of this," he paused. "Is yours too."

Clary, finally realizing what they were saying, fainted.

Jace caught her in his arms before her head could strike the tile. "Maybe we should have started with baby steps."

Alec scoffed. "How were we supposed to know how poor she was?"

Magnus clapped his hands in front of Clary's face. She snapped awake, standing up as Jace let go of her. "Where am I?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"Clary, dear, we still haven't even showed you the best part. The closet."

Clary pointed to the small broom closet.

"No biscuit, I mean the closet for your clothes."

"I have clothes," she said, taking the small duffle from Jace and clutching it to her chest.

"No." He pulled the bag from Clary's hand and tossed it in the trash. "Now you have new clothes," he said, leading her to the end of the hall to a closed door.

Behind the door was a closet larger than the entire basement. Racks and racks and racks of clothes covering every wall. Dressers arranged all around the floor space tastefully.

"What…." Clary stepped into the room slowly. "What am I supposed to do with all of these clothes?"

"Wear them, obviously," Magnus laughed.

"On my body?"

"Yes, Clary, on your body."

Clary fainted again.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Remember to review **

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	4. Chapter 4

She has Cancer

Clary arched her back in an attempt to loosen the corset currently strangling her entire body. She pulled at the tight fabric that clung to her, hoping she would rip it and get to wear jeans and a t-shirt instead. "Do I really have to wear this? Jace said this party was casual."

Magnus scoffed. "Casual for everyone else, yes. But you are the guest of honour. You need to stand out and look fabulous next to all those casually dressed idiots."

"It's not that I don't like the dress," Clary said defensively, adjusting the large hoop skirt that sat at her waist. "It's a lovely dress."

Magnus raised his eyebrows at her, looking at her through the mirror. "But?"

Clary sighed as deeply as she was able. Which was actually a very shallow sigh. "But I can't breathe. Is a floor length ball gown really necessary for me to be the guest of honour?"

Magnus 'aww'ed sympathetically, patting Clary on the shoulder. "Yes, it is. Now come on."

Magnus led Clary out of her enormous closet and helped her waddle up the stairs. She found that instead of lifting the hoop skirt, it was easier to just lean back at such an obscene angle she would almost fall over. And if she did fall, the sweet release of death seemed like a nice alternative over the corset.

Once they had reached the top of the stairs, Magnus flung the door open, one hand on Clary's back to keep her from tumbling down the stairs to her death.

"Surprise!" someone yelled.

"Maia, this isn't a surprise party," Jace mumbled, nudging her with his elbow.

"Oh," the girl slumped her shoulders, as though she was actually disappointed.

Clary waddled up the last step, trying not to fall over. She failed.

Jace leaped forward, catching her in his arms before helping her find her balance. "Magnus, couldn't you at least give her a more modern dress? Was the hoop skirt really necessary?"

"Or the corset," Clary wheezed, trying once again to rip the tight, stiff fabric from her body.

"Lunch is ready," someone called from the kitchen, forcing everyone's eyes away from Clary and down the hallway, her suffering forgotten over the thought of food.

Clary tried her best to waddle breathlessly towards the kitchen by herself before a hand came to steady her.

"Don't worry," Maia said, helping her walk. "I got you." The girl was a few inches taller than Clary, with kind brown eyes and a gorgeous smile. Her curly hair was pulled back into two high buns at the top of her head. "I'm Maia by the way," she said.

"Clary."

The two girls shook hands awkwardly as they walked/waddled into the kitchen, where Alec stood at the island pouring a pot of green beans into a dish, James strapped to his stomach in a baby backpack. He smiled when everyone came in, leaning forward to fix on of the plates on the other side of the island, accidentally shoving the baby's face straight into the green beans.

"Alec!" Magnus squealed, going to straighten his husband and pull the baby out of the small pouch, pulling a green bean from his nose. "Please be careful. Green isn't his colour."

Alec squinted at Clary as she entered the room, taking in her unnecessarily extravagant gown. "Why?" he asked, gesturing to all of her.

"She's the guest of honour," Magnus growled.

Alec put his hands up in defeat, rolling his eyes, obviously not caring enough to argue.

Once everyone was in the kitchen, a tall boy with dark hair reached for a plate, but his hand was smacked away by a smaller woman with a severe face and a giant cross around her neck. "Jordan! Jesus first, food second."

Jordan sighed, looking mournfully at the food.

"That's my boyfriend," Maia whispered to Clary giddily, as though she was still excited that they were dating. "And the Jesus lady is Maryse, Alec's mom."

Maia continued to give Clary the names of all the other guests as Maryse began to chant in what Clary could only assume was ancient Latin. There was Alec's father, Robert. Max, Alec's little brother, his sister Isabelle and her friend Simon, (whom Clary thought looked suspiciously familiar, but then again she knew a lot of Jews.) Next to Simon, standing suspiciously close to him, was Magnus's close friend and business partner, Raphael.

She tried her best to remember all the names as they were thrown at her in a quiet whisper over the loud sound of Maryse's escalating chanting, which was slowly becoming less a chant and more an interpretive dance.

A shrill cry cut through the chant, forcing Maryse to stop, standing from her weird squatting position to glare at the baby.

"I got it!" Clary volunteered, snatching the baby from Magnus's arms and waddling out of the room as fast as she could.

"I'll help!" Jace said, a bit too loudly, following her out of the room just as Maryse's chanting continued.

The loud religious cries finally faded behind them as they made their way down the hall towards the basement door. Once they were finally out of earshot, as if on queue, the baby stopped crying.

"Do you think I have enough time to change?" she asked Jace, shoving James into his arms.

He struggled to hold him at first, trying to figure out where to put his hands or whether the baby should be facing up or down. "Oh yeah, you've got at least another twenty minutes before she even gets to the prayer part."

Clary reached over, helping him settle the baby in a comfortable position where it wasn't half thrown over Jace's shoulder. "This isn't even the prayer part?"

Jace shook his head, finally deciding to just grab the baby by the back of the onesie and carry it like a suitcase. "No, right now she's cleansing the house of all demonic spirits. Hopefully we'll miss the part with the bells and the candles."

Jace grabbed Clary by the waist, carrying her down the stairs with one arm as he clutched the baby with the other.

"So," she mumbled, not sure how to ask what was on her mind. "What's wrong with Maia?"

"Right!?" Jace exclaimed, obviously glad that someone else besides him said it. "I swear, she's a psychopath."

"She seemed so nice," Clary mumbled as Jace set her down at the bottom of the stairs. "But I could see the crazy in her eyes."

"She's definitely a psychopath," Jace agreed.

"Or a serial killer," Clary countered.

"Maybe she has personality cancer."

"Maybe she's just a cancer in general."

"I bet she touches children," Jace mumbled.

"I bet she eats children," Clary retorted playfully.

Jace chuckled, hoisting the baby back into his arms, this time actually holding him somewhat properly. Clary waddled over to her closet, ripping pieces of the dress off as she went. The hoop skirt was the first to go, followed by the actual dress, then the pantaloons.

"Do you need help with that?" Jace asked as they finally made it to the closet. He admired Clary's legs while she struggled to reach behind and undo the corset. "Getting women naked is kind of my specialty."

She snorted, a shallow sound that sounded more like a desperate gasp for breath. "Yeah, good luck taking off a complicated corset one hande—oh wow, that was fast." Clary looked down at her now-naked body, completely unashamed, admiring Jace's handiwork. She took a deep breath and smiled. "Well, I'm going to go put on some sweatpants."

"Wait, Clary," Jace called as she turned away. "Here's your panties." He handed them to her, trying his best to hide the intense blush in his cheeks. James giggled in his arms, as though he knew exactly what Jace was thinking.

Once Clary was changed into a pair of blue sweats and a plain white t-shirt, she took the baby from Jace and they headed back upstairs. Jace made a point to walk behind Clary up the stairs, mumbling something about having a nice view.

They reached the kitchen just in time for the end of Maryse's chanting and the beginning of what Clary could only assume would be a very long prayer.

Magnus nudged Clary, scowling down at her outfit.

She held up the baby, hoping he would fill in the blanks, assume there was some kind of awful diarrhea accident that had forced her to change. Magnus seemed to believe it, moving his narrowed eyes from Clary to his son, making eye contact with the baby and slashing two fingers across his throat.

"Amen," Maryse called out, a little too loudly, doing an elaborate bow.

Jordan lunged for a plate, cutting everyone in line as he piled cold food onto his plate. Clary followed behind him, her pile twice as high as his.

Everyone sat together at the table, Clary at the head, (for some reason) and Jace sat beside her. The baby sat on her other side, silently stuffing his whole fist into his mouth and sucking on it.

"So Jace," Maryse asked casually, cutting her green beans with a large steak knife. "When will you finally settle down and start a family of your own?"

Jace's eyes widened in panic. He stuffed his mouth with food, taking his time to chew and swallow. "I have a family," he said, his voice tight. "And I love you all very much," he smiled, obviously hoping someone would change the subject.

"Don't try that shit with me," she hissed back. "I want grandchildren!"

Isabelle stood from her seat, a slight smile on her face. "I'm pregnant," she said.

"I'm not surprised," Maryse muttered, not taking her eyes off Jace.

"I'm only 26," Jace said, ignoring Isabelle as she sat down and started to silently cry into her hands. "Why do you want me to get married so badly? You and Robert didn't get married until you were almost 30!"

"Yes, but I knew that I would be able to find someone who would love me. You are not in the same boat."

Clary choked on her food, glancing at Jace sympathetically, but he just rolled his eyes, obviously not bothered by his mother's comments. "Lots of women love me," he muttered.

"Oh really," Maryse scoffed.

"I mean…" Jace paled, his forehead glistening with sweat. "I'm a virgin."

Maryse's eyes finally left Jace, moving across the table to Alec. "Maybe I should ask the one son who is always honest with me. Alec, is Jace telling the truth?"

Alec turned an interesting shade of green, dropping his fork onto the table. "Yes," he said, and Jace wished he had stopped there. "Jace is so pure, he's like a set of brand new white sheets. He has never before experienced quoitus with another nor by his own hand. He has never brought an unknown woman back to his bed, nor has he joined her in hers. He has never had such amazing drunk intercourse with an unknown female almost a year ago that he still talks about her to this day. He is, indeed, untouched." Alec finally stopped talking. He seemed out of breath from his unnecessary monologue, giving Jace a confident thumbs up, as though he honestly thought his lie was convincing.

Maryse pushed out her chair, her eyes turning back to her other son. "Jace, over my knee."

"What?" Jace shook his head. "Mom, I'm a fully grown adult, you can't honestly—"

"Over. My. Knee."

Jace whimpered, standing from his chair and bending over his mother's knee while she unfastened his belt and pulled down his pants to expose his butt.

Clary had never seen a more perfect ass.

She shoved more food in her mouth as she watched Maryse spank Jace repeatedly with his leather belt, leaving harsh red marks on his skin.

She looked around at everyone else at the table, expecting to see a mix of shocked and excited faces, but everyone just kept eating their dinner, looking almost bored, as though this happened every day.

Once Maryse was finally done, Jace stood, pulling up his pants. He wiped a single tear from his eye. "You're not even my real mom!" he whined, scurrying upstairs to his room like a small child.

The table was silent for several moments. Finally, Isabelle sobbed loudly. "Does anyone care that I'm pregnant?"

Maryse reached over the table and stole a chicken leg from her plate. "Not really."

Isabelle sighed. "Fine, you got me. I'm not pregnant, I just wanted all of you to pay attention to me."

"Okay Isaac now eat your oats."

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter because we sure had a fun time writing it. Please be sure to leave a review and let us know your predictions for where this story is going!**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	5. Chapter 5

My Loins are on Fire

Jace took a handful of streamers and draped it over a chair, standing back to admire his amazing decorating skills. He piled some more streamers onto the chair and felt he had done his part in the decorating.

"Oh, thanks for gathering all the streamers, Jace." Magnus said, taking all the colourful ribbons off the chair and walking back into the other room.

"Hey, those were artistically placed!" Jace called, only really half offended. "I don't see why this is such a big deal," he called to the people in the other room. "I know it's his birthday, but you know the difference between 'tween' and 'teen' isn't real." He walked slowly into the other room where everyone was busily decorating.

"Of course it's not real, since time is an illusion and you could die at any time," Clary agreed, then cleared her throat, probably realizing how dark what she just said was. "I mean… don't be silly! This is a big milestone for Max and we need to celebrate!" Clary threw a handful of glitter into the air in celebration, and immediately felt bad for making a mess, so she bent down to pick up each individual piece. "I'm gonna go check on the baby," she said shamefully.

There was a sharp knocking on the door, and everyone turned towards the entrance hall, expecting the guest of honour. The tall door swung open and the person who stepped through was not the person everyone was expecting. Or that anyone wanted to see.

"Eric, get out."

The tall, lanky boy smiled, as though this was a welcome greeting. "Nah, I'm here for my poetry reading. It's my first real gig."

"What?" Alec squinted at him, then at Jace, then back at Eric, then back at Jace. "You didn't."

Jace snickered, nodding his head. "I did."

Eric pulled a small notebook out of his scarf pocket, flipping to a random page. "Can I read you guys a quick draft for some feedback?"

"NO!" everyone yelled, loudly and in unison.

"Yes," Jace said after, which seemed to be enough, because Eric smiled and cleared his throat. "I'm gonna go check on the baby," he said, leaving to go into the other room and up the stairs to the nursery. There, Clary sat on the floor beside the baby. James was lying on the ground, a mobile spinning above him as he reached for the giraffes that hung inches from his face.

Clary sat cross-legged, her long red hair swept to one side as she tilted her head to look at the baby, and a sad smile crept onto her face. "I wonder what colour your eyes will be," she mumbled, playing with his little feet. "Or maybe they'll stay blue, who knows."

James smiled up at her, tilting his head as he let out a big shit. Clary sighed, taking that as her queue to lift the baby onto the changing table. Then reached to undo the velcro on the diaper—

"What are you doing?" Jace interrupted, moving from his place where he leaned against the door.

Clary turned, only a little startled (since she was kind of used to his creeping by now) and tried not to laugh. "I'm changing his diaper. That's what you do when a baby—"

"No, no, I understand, but you gotta let him finish first! That thing is like a ticking time bomb. If you open it too soon, it's bye-bye pretty white blouse."

Clary laughed, backing away from the table and walking over to Jace. "Fine, then I guess we're both stuck here until the baby is done pooping."

"Ah, yes, the best pretext to talk to a pretty girl."

Clary chuckled, shaking her head. "Yeah, you seem like the type to flirt with girls a lot."

"Yes, that is the impression most girls get from me, which is why they always come over to talk to me. But I don't usually flirt back." He winked at Clary, giving her a panty-dropping smile. "Usually."

Clary rolled her eyes, trying not to show how much she was falling for his charm or how weak her knees felt. She turned back towards the baby, trying to ignore the hot slice of man meat behind her as she took off the diaper.

"We should probably head back downstairs soon," Jace said from behind her. "Eric should be done his poetry reading right about now."

"Who's Eric?" Clary asked, hoisting a now-clean James onto her hip as she walked out of the room, Jace on her heels.

"Oh, you'll love him. He's a really great influence in Max's life."

When they reached the staircase, Jace heard a loud clanging sound and what could only be described as a bunch of old, asthmatic church ladies gasping. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, they saw what could only be a scene from a horror movie. Max lay on the ground surrounded by confetti and blood, face down, presumably dead. Everyone around him stood with a shocked look on their face, frozen.

"What the hell happened?" Clary demanded as she descended the stairs. "I've been gone for 5 minutes and the birthday boy already came and went?" She stopped in front of the crime scene, clutching the baby close with one hand and grabbing a drink out of Magnus's hand with the other, taking a long sip.

"He's not dead!" Magnus said defensively, his hands up. "At least I don't think he's dead. When he came in I triggered the confetti shower, but one of the buckets fell and hit him in the head. He's just unconscious."

"Or dead," Maryse sobbed.

"Why does he look like he's dressed for his own funeral?" Jace asked, noting his black tee-shirt and leather pants.

Clary rolled her eyes, throwing her drink onto the unconscious boy's head. He gasped, lifting his head off the tile slowly to reveal a small cut on his forehead. He looked up at Clary with wide eyes. "Are you an angel?"

"Are you wearing eyeliner?" Jace demanded, helping Max up from the pile of glitter.

The boy shrugged, fixing his Black Veil Brides shirt. "I'm thirteen now. These are my emo-phase clothes."

"Max," Jace said, patting the other boy on the shoulder. "I'm only saying this because I love you. Go take that shit off, you look awful."

Max nodded, patting Jace on the shoulder in return. "Thank you for your honesty." He turned to leave, slapping Clary's ass on the way out.

**OoOoOoO**

Clary took a bite of her whole pig as John did the same on his end of the video chat. "And all I have to do is take care of their cute baby all day and they pay me tons and let me live in their basement!" Clary exclaimed around a mouth full of pork. She took her time to swallow before speaking again. "So what's new with you?" she asked, shoving more pig into her mouth.

John shrugged, swallowing what pig he had been chewing. "I have a new client. He's really nice. And cute. He's stuck in a really awful and abusive relationship with this crazy bitch that he started dating in high school."

"Ouch," Clary said, digging her fork in for more. "You should make a move."

"Clary, that's inappropriate."

"I'm just saying, you could always just subtly hint that you're single, and really buff so you could protect him from his tiny, probably only mildly scary girlfriend."

"Clary, you're making me uncomfortable."

"Oh come on, what's the point of being a psychiatrist if you're not getting some fries with your burger?"

"I'm leaving," John said, reaching for his phone.

"No wait!" Clary spat a bit of pig. "I miss you. We haven't seen each other in weeks."

"Clary, it's been three days."

"That doesn't make me miss you less," she pouted. "Can you make some room in your very busy doctor schedule for your poor, lonely sister?"

John nodded, a bit of his smile returning. "Yes, we'll hang out soon. I'll call you again same time next week?"

Clary nodded, waving goodbye as she shoved her whole face directly into the pig.

**Sorry we missed a week in updating. Hopefully we can keep up with it better for the rest of this story. **

**Please review!**

**xoxo**

**R&A**


	6. Chapter 6

Jace-nial

Magnus stood in the kitchen, doing aerobic stretches between flipping pancakes. Alec sat behind him at the counter enjoying the view. It was a peaceful morning in their house. The baby hadn't cried that morning, so they both got to sleep in.

There was a knock at the door, and Alec went to answer it as Magnus flipped a pancake onto the already very large stack.

He opened the door to see a tall, slim lady standing before him. She wore a nice black jacket with a matching pencil skirt, and held a clipboard against her chest. "Hi," Alec said, trying his best to sound polite, even at this ungodly hour. "Can I help you?"

"Who is it?" Magnus called from down the hall, the sound of his feet already approaching.

The woman smiled back in an equally forced way. "Hello, I'm Catarina Loss, from the adoption agency. I'm here for my follow up appointment on the baby. And you are?"

"I'm Ale—"

Magnus shoved Alec to the floor in the most gentle way possible. His husband fell elbows first into the cold, hard tile. Magnus knew the screams were more dramatic than they needed to be.

Catarina Loss didn't seem to mind. "Mister Bane, nice to see you again," she held out her hand for a firm handshake.

"Yes, it's good to see you again, Miss Loss." Alec stood up, obviously angry about having been shoved violently to the floor. He gave Magnus a death stare that could have cut through bricks. "I'm sure my husband, Alec will be with us soon." He turned to Alec. "Jace, why don't you go and get Alec? I'm sure he's awake by now." He forced an obviously painful smile as he prayed that Alec understood. He didn't.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked, still rubbing his elbows. "I'm Al—"

Magnus suddenly seemed to desperately need to clear his throat. Which then turned into a violent coughing fit as he pulled him aside, holding up one finger to the woman at the door. "Alec, I need you to focus," he said, slapping him across the face. "This lady thinks that Jace is you from the adoption interviews. We can't let her think otherwise. Go get Jace, tell him what's going on. He has to be you and you have to be him. Do you understand?"

"Sort of," Alec mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

Magnus shooed him away, and Alec ran upstairs as Magnus returned to the door.

"Please, come in," he smiled, ushering the lady inside.

The woman stepped inside, clipboard still clutched to her chest. "I must say, Mister Bane, your house is quite magnificent," she said, admiring the entrance hall with its double staircase and crystal chandelier.

"Thank you." Magnus began leading her to the kitchen. "I'd be more than willing to give you the full tour once my husband gets down here. He must just be upstairs with the baby." They arrived in the kitchen, and Magnus pulled out a stool for Catarina to sit at the counter. "Can I get you anything? Some tea? Coffee? Whole pig?"

The woman just shook her head, setting her clipboard down on the counter. "No, thank you. I just have a few questions to ask you before we begin the tour." She looked up from her clipboard to make sure Magnus was nodding along to what she was saying as she unclipped a few pages. "Have you found a person to care for the baby while you and your husband are away at work?"

"Yes, we hired a nanny about two weeks ago. You'll get to meet her today if you'd like. She just lives downstairs in the basement."

She raised her eyebrows. "You make your nanny live in the basement?"

Magnus laughed. "I think you'll find our basement is more than acceptable for someone to live in."

Catarina chuckled, looking down at her pages to ask the next question. "Have you found that the baby—"

"Maggie, sweetie, why didn't you tell us we would be having a visitor?" Jace asked, sashaying into the room with one hand holding James and the other fanning his shirtless self with one of Magnus's fans. He slapped the fan down onto the counter to free up his hand so he could smack his husband on the ass. "Miss Loss, it's a pleasure to see you again. Can I get you anything? Some tea? Coffee? Whole pig?"

At hearing her name, Catarina's eyes shot back up from where they had been locked on Jace's toned stomach. She smiled at him, the first real smile Magnus had seen on her face since she arrived. "It's nice to see you again, mister Lightwood. Some tea would be lovely." she said, discretely wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth.

Jace thrust the baby into Magnus's arms and went to make some tea.

And then Alec walked in.

"Hey guys, just finished sneaking my one night stand out the window." He took the teacup from Jace's hand and started sipping it idly as he leaned back against the kitchen cupboard to display his abs, which were fully exposed since he was shirtless and wearing only Jace's sweatpants. "She didn't want to leave by the window, since my room is on the third floor, but I thought, hey, I got what I wanted from you so if you get hurt on the way down that's the next guy's problem." He took another sip of tea and gagged a little. "Is this English Breakfast?"

"Well, it wasn't for you, _Jace," _Jace said through bared teeth. He brought another cup over and set it down in front of Catarina. "So, Miss Loss, would you like to begin the tour?"

The tour of the main floor was boring enough. Kitchen. Laundry room. Living room. All properly baby-proofed and safe.

"And downstairs is the Nanny's living space," Magnus said, opening the door to the closet.

"Magnus, that's the wrong door."

"Yes, thank you Alec, I see that." Magnus turned towards the door on the other side and opened it with the same gusto as the first. "Yes, here is the staircase. I never get lost in my own house hahahaha."

They all went down the stairs one by one. Catarina seemed very concerned with the integrity of the stairs, checking for termite holes and other things that could possibly kill the baby. James, still in Jace's arms, blew bubbles with his own spit.

"So this is the nanny's living quarters," Magnus said, ushering to the huge apartment-like space. "This is the bathroom." He opened the door to reveal a large bathroom, currently full of steam. The shower door opened to reveal a very naked Clary stepping out of it.

She made eye contact with Jace, then Alec, then Magnus, then Catarina. "Oh, hi. Um. I'm kind of naked right now so—"

"Yup, yup, sorry about that." Magnus shut the door as fast as he could. "Just, uh, maybe get dressed and meet us in the kitchen?"

"Sure!" Clary called from the other side of the door.

Alec reached over to wipe the corner of Jace's mouth. "You ok Alec?" he asked, smirking. "You're drooling a little bit."

"That's James's," Jace said defensively, shoving the baby into Magnus's arms. "He just spit in my mouth. Babies do that sometimes."

"Sure, sure."

Clary came and met them in the basement kitchen after she had towel dried her hair and put on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt.

Magnus sighed when he saw her. "I thought we talked about this. Where is the nice dress I set out for you?"

"Magnus, I'm not going to wear a hoop skirt ever again. Just get rid of them."

Magnus wiped a tear from his cheek and tried not to appear hurt.

Catarina cleared her throat and tapped Clary on the shoulder. "So you're the nanny? I just have a few questions for you." She held out her hand. "I'm Catarina Loss, from the adoption agency, just here for a follow up appointment to make sure the baby's living conditions fit the proper parameters."

"Yes," Alec said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "This is the nanny, and I, Jace, a heterosexual, feel the need to look at her in a sexual manner constantly." He winked at her awkwardly, trying his best not to close both eyes.

"Yes," Jace agreed. "And I, Alec Lightwood, a homosexual, am in a committed relationship with my husband, Magnus."

Clary squinted at them for a moment before she seemed to understand what was going on. "Riiiiiiiiight. Yes. Anyway," she turned back to Catarina. "You said you had some questions for me?" She led Catarina over to the couch and sat her down.

"You two need to tone it down," Magnus hissed. "I expected this from Alec, but you Jace? You're a better liar than that."

Alec gasped, his hand slapped his bare chest, just over his heart. "Magnus, how dare you. I'd like to think I'm playing the part quite convincingly."

"Really?" Jace demanded, turning to his brother. "Because we both know that I haven't had a one night stand in almost a year. I'm a different person now. And never once did I make a girl sneak out of my bedroom window."

"Oh really," Alec rolled his eyes. "Then explain that girl I found lying in the back yard with two broken legs the morning of your 22nd birthday?"

"I didn't ask what's-her-face to jump out the window. And we were in a committed relationship at the time! She was just living out some fantasy of sneaking out the morning after. I'm sure she didn't know my window doesn't have a ledge."

Alec nodded. "Mhm, yes, the committed relationship you were in with _Sarah_ for a whole week and a half, which you then ended in the hospital the day after she broke her legs."

"We had plans to go to Disneyland, Alec!" Jace hissed defensively. "What, was I gonna cancel my trip to Disney just because she couldn't walk? That seems unfair."

The two girls laughed, standing from the couch and shaking hands.

"Well, that looks like it went well," Magnus commented. "Shall we move to the upstairs?" he asked, ushering the ladies towards the stairs.

Clary scooped the baby out of his arms and followed them all upstairs.

"This is the nursery," Magnus narrated, pulling the door open to the yellow room.

Catarina entered, examining the sturdiness of the crib and making sure none of the toys had any small detachable parts. When she seemed satisfied, she made a few checks on her clipboard and came back to the door. "Everything seems to fit the requirements."

Clary entered the room with the baby once everyone left, claiming she had to change his diaper.

"And just across the hall," Magnus explained, leading Catarina over to another door, "is our room. So we are never too far from the baby." He opened the door to their master bedroom.

"Yes," Alec agreed, standing in the doorway as they all entered. "This room belongs to Magnus and Alec. I do not sleep here." He finally stepped into the room, walking over to the bed where he had laid out his clothes for the day. "Look, Alec," he pointed at the shirt. "Your clothes. You should put them on so you're not late for work."

Jace glanced over at the khakis, the light blue button-up and…. A sweater vest. He shivered.

"Come on, Alec," Alec prompted, a smirk creeping onto his face. "Get dressed for work."

Jace, trying not to vomit in his mouth, picked up the button-up and slipped his arms through the holes. "Yes, this is the outfit I picked out for myself, since, as I'm sure you can tell, I have no sense of fashion. It's quite tragic really."

"Khakis are professional." Alec gritted his teeth.

"They are paper bags for your legs," Jace hissed. "But yes," he turned to Catarina. "I do, indeed, wear them every single day to work. Because in the world of architecture, khakis are known as the _foundation_ of an outfit. Because apparently beige really brings out your intelligence."

"It really does," Alec agreed.

Jace finished buttoning the shirt, then slipped on the vest, looking like someone had just tied his body in shit-covered rope. He lifted his arms and gave a very forced thumbs-up. "All done."

"It looks a bit large on you," Catarina commented.

"I'm hoping to grow into it."

"Oh wait, Alec, don't forget your tie." Alec flung his blue duck covered tie round Jace's neck.

Jace gritted his teeth and began tying what was obviously a noose knot.

Catarina flipped through a few of her pages. "Everything seems to be in order. I think that's all I needed. Thank you."

Magnus started leading her to the door as Jace ripped the tie from his body. "Of course, you're welcome here anytime. Thank you so much for coming."

"Thank you for being so hospitable. I'm sure you won't need another follow up appointment," she smiled, walking down the staircase towards the front door.

The door shut with a soft sound as Catarina left.

"Is she gone?" Alec demanded, ripping Jace's sweatpants from his body.

"You didn't have to actually wear my pants, you know," Jace commented, rubbing his chest as though he had been infected by the sweater vest.

"I had to get into character." Alec rubbed his bare thighs self-consciously, snatching his khakis from the bed. "You're lucky I didn't bring up how you're a free-loader that doesn't pay rent."

Jace sighed exasperatedly. "Do you want me to pay rent? Is that what you want?" He stormed out of the room, stomping down the hall and returning just a few moments later with a large box in his hands. He stood over the bed and turned it upside down, the contents coating their entire bed. "There you go. One thousand dollars in cash. Are you happy?"

"Jace," Magnus asked, reaching for one of the bills. "Why are these all in singles?"

"That's not important." Jace stormed out of the room, across the hall and into the nursery. He scooped James up into his arms and held him close. "You're the only one who understands me," he whispered. "If only others were as accepting as you."

"Jace," Clary mumbled. "This is weird."

Jace flung his arm out, grabbing Clary and bringing her into the hug. Her hands reached out to stop him but she just kind of ended up feeling up his abs. "Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked, obviously feeling her fingers probing his stomach.

"If you must know, yes," Clary said defensively, unashamed.

The hug was broken by a third person (excluding James) wiggling between them. Max, now blond, threw his leather jacket over his shoulder. "Sorry to interrupt, just thought I'd pop in." He gave Clary a quick kiss on the cheek and slapped her ass.

Jace put the baby down a little too roughly into his crib. "What is this? What happened to your emo phase?"

"I changed my mind," Max smirked. "This is my Jace phase now." He leaned in close and whispered in Jace's ear, "and there can be only one…"

**Sorry for the late upload. We've missed a few weeks but hopefully things will be on track now. please leave a review if you liked this chapter!**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	7. Chapter 7

**we hope you enjoy reading this chapter because we sure enjoyed writing it.**

Jace, Hands off her Ass

Clary held the baby close to her chesticles, cradling him in an attempt to get him to stop crying. She had been trying to get the baby to stop crying all day, from when Magnus and Alec had left for work until now, several hours later, far past the baby's nap time and approaching his bedtime.

She rocked him gently singing a song she wasn't even paying attention to anymore, and stared off into space. _Maybe if I keep my body stiff enough, _she thought, _I can fall asleep without dropping him. _She wished she could put James down for just a minute, so she could sit down and close her eyes, but every time she did, his persistent cries became ear-shattering shrieks, so all she could do to keep the volume at the lowest possible level was keep the child in her arms, keep bouncing him up and down, keep her persistent _sssshhhhhhh_ing that made her throat so sore and her mouth so dry. It seemed like nothing could end this torture but the sweet release of death.

But then, just as Clary was sure there would be no end to the snot bubbles and mind-numbing whine, James began to quiet down. His cries became soft whimpers until he finally laid his head against Clary's shoulder and fell asleep.

A single tear rolled down Clary's cheek as she appreciated the silence for the first time since she woke up that morning. She placed James down into his crib and prayed he stayed down. She strapped the baby monitor to the waist of her sweatpants and went downstairs to wash the baby vomit and tears off of her chest.

After running down two flights of stairs, she shucked off the clothes and tossed them into a hamper. She flung her body into the shower and turned the water to the hottest it could go, hoping the scalding heat would cleanse her body of James's regurgitation.

Once she was done scrubbing her body, always being sure to stick her head out of the shower to listen to the baby monitor, she shut the water off and climbed out, wrapping a large, fluffy towel around her cold body.

After she had brushed out her wet locks of hair and pulled on a pair of fluffy pyjama pants and a cotton t-shirt, she strapped the monitor back to her waistband and ran upstairs to grab a snack.

She hadn't realized how long she'd been in the shower, but when she came back upstairs she found Magnus in the kitchen with Jace and Alec opening a bottle of wine. "Oh, sweetie, you're just in time. Alec got a big architecture deal, so we're celebrating!" He popped the cork off the bottle and poured Clary a big class, sliding it over to her.

Clary hesitated, knowing she should be listening for the baby.

"Come on," Alec said, nudging the glass closer to her. "Tomorrow's your day off. You deserve to relax a little."

Clary needed no more encouragement. She picked up the glass, half full with wine, and downed it in two sips.

Jace clapped enthusiastically, obviously pleased by Clary's willingness, and began to pour her another glass.

Clary swatted his hand away, reaching for the bottle, which she began to idly sip.

Magnus just shrugged, opening another bottle for himself and following her to the couch.

Jace was right behind him, a bottle of scotch in his hand. _That could get messy, _Alec thought as he sat down with them, a _whole_ bottle of apple juice in his hand.

"Whoa, Alec," Jace cautioned. "Are you sure you can handle all that?"

"Shut up," Alec rolled his eyes, reaching over to unclip the baby monitor from Clary's pants and setting it down beside him.

Clary, already halfway through her bottle, turned to Alec. "Story time," she announced. "Tell me about your worst one-night stand."

Her eye was twitching in a way that made Alec uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why he answered. It must have been because of the apple juice. Or maybe it was Magnus, excitedly tapping him on the knee saying; "tell her about the time you were straight. With Amanda. Alec. Alec tell her. Alec tell her about the time you were straight. Alec."

Alec sighed, taking a big sip of his juice before he began. "I was dating this girl Amanda back in high school. She was really nice, even if I wasn't attracted to her I still liked spending time with her. We're still friends now. She was very understanding about—"

"He threw up in her mouth right when he penetrated her!" Magnus squealed, tears dripping down his cheek as he tried to catch his breath.

"He wasn't even hard!" Jace continued, barely able to get the words out of his choked laughter.

Alec reached for the bottle again, taking a big sip of juice to calm his nerves. Once he swallowed (oh, you sick fuck) he turned to Magnus. "It's your turn," he said, hoping the attention shifting to his husband would be enough to change the subject.

"Oh, don't even get me started," Magnus moaned. "I was once with a guy who was so shy he didn't even want to take off his shirt while we were doing it. So when I tried to take it off for him, and accidentally ripped a hole in his already hole-ridden sweater, he got so mad he just got up and left my apartment with no pants!"

"Magnus, that was me."

Magnus laughed over the lip of his bottle. "Oh yeah."

"I've got one to top that," Jace grinned, slamming his bottle down on the table. "One time I was in the middle of undressing a girl when I found out that she was wearing a diaper."

Clary almost gagged. "That's on you though," she said, taking another sip. "You can't hide diapers through clothes. You should have noticed it before you got to the undressing part."

"That's nothing," Magnus leaned forward. "I was once with a girl who took out her dentures halfway through going down on me."

"Was it better?" Jace asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"It was, but watching her take out her falsies kind of ruined the mood."

"My high school girlfriend said her own dad's name during our first time," Jace smirked, though it faded quickly as he thought about what he said.

Magnus slapped his bottle down next to Jace's. "I once slept with a girl wearing beige underwear. Not nude. Beige."

Jace picked back up his bottle, nodding in defeat. "Yeah, you win."

Clary took the final sip from her bottle and set it down where Jace's had been moments before. "I've got one to top all those stories. One time, I got really drunk and met this guy at a bar. I had never really done that sort of thing before but I thought, hey, my mom just died, why not? So I bring this guy back to my place. He's so hot, an 11, easily. I don't really remember what he looked like since I was completely shit-faced, but I do remember amazing arms and washboard abs. I can only assume we had amazing sex, since I don't remember anything except waking up to a sore vag the next morning."

Jace cleared his throat, a strange look on his face. If Clary didn't know any better she would have thought it was jealousy. "I'm sorry, how is this your worst one night stand?"

"I'm getting to it," Clary said, raising her hand. "So anyway, I wake up the next morning pretty hungover. The guy is long gone, I can only assume he left in the middle of the night. But when I went to use the bathroom, I saw that he had left me a present before he left."

"A ring?" Magnus asked, all starry eyes.

"His wallet," Jace guessed.

"A poop," Alec suggested.

"The biggest shit I had ever seen," Clary deadpanned. "So much it spilled out of the bowl. I was so hungover, I didn't know what to do so I just got a bucket and started scooping it out by hand."

Magnus gagged, looking a very interesting shade of green. She was sure he would puke. The only person who looked more sick was Jace. Alec put down his bottle of apple juice, looking like he was going to die of laughter. "Jace," he said, snickering. "Is there something you'd like to share with the group?"

Jace's face turned a dark shade of red, all the way down to his neck, and shook his head. Alec cleared his throat as though he had been waiting for this moment his whole life.

"I would like to remind everyone of a story Jace once told me, of a one night stand he had with an amazing girl. He was too drunk to remember her name or what she looked like aside from blazing red hair, but he knew that he liked her and he wanted to stay and make her breakfast. However, as we know, one of Jace's many defects is how his body handles alcohol. Some people throw up. Some people pass out. But Jace shits. And when he shits, he shits big." Jace sunk farther into the couch, obviously hoping he could disappear. Clary's gaze slowly shifted to him, her eyes piercing him like daggers. "Jace had to leave before he could make the lovely lady breakfast because he had wrecked her toilet and completely ruined her entire bathroom. And now that I'm saying this, Clary, does Jace look a little familiar?"

"Take. Off. Your. Shirt." Clary growled.

She looked too terrifying for Jace to deny her. He quickly stood up and pulled the fabric over his head.

Clary gasped, jumping to her feet. "I knew it. Washboard abs," she said, pointing accusingly at Jace's stomach. Before Jace could apologize, she jabbed him in the abdomen. "I had plumbing problems for weeks because of you!" she said, almost loud enough to wake the baby, Alec was sure. "Every time I shat, I shat on your shit. Every time I flushed, more of your shit came up! It was endless!"

"Clary," Jace said, trying not to further anger the beast. "I know you're mad, but could you not rub my abs?"

"I deserve this!" Clary shouted. "I was evicted! Because of the smell! And because the shower was permanently stained brown!"

"The shower?" Magnus demanded.

"This is the best day of my life." Alec grinned, taking another sip of his apple juice.

**Before you ask, yes, we are small children that still laugh at poop jokes. Two fully grown children that laugh at diarrhea. **

**Please review with your worst poop story**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, here's a somber chapter for once, who would have thought... enjoy!**

Peanut

The first thing Alec had noticed that morning was that Magnus had fallen asleep wearing a floor length sequin gown (not for the first time).

The second thing he noticed was that they were out of toilet paper in the master bathroom.

The third thing he noticed was that Clary was avoiding Jace.

Clary was in the kitchen, standing by the microwave, waiting for the bottle of baby formula to warm up. Jace had rounded the corner, yawning and scratching his head, and Clary bolted in the other direction, yelling for Alec to take over with feeding the baby.

Later on, when Clary was sitting in the living room beside Alec (who was covered in vomit from having just fed James), eating a bowl of cereal, she had dumped the wet cheerios and milk right into Alec's lap as soon as she saw Jace enter the room. She bolted past him, mumbling something about forgetting to turn off the oven.

Alec sat there then, covered in milk, cheerios and vomit, and wondered what the heck was going on.

He found Clary later, sitting on her couch in the basement, sniffling quietly.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, coming to sit down next to her.

She looked up, startled, like a scared animal before she realized it was just Alec.

"You've been acting weird all day. Especially around Jace. Is this about the one night stand thing?" Alec asked, reaching over to rub Clary's back gently.

She nodded. Ever since she had moved in two months ago, Alec had become more and more open with her. She felt very comfortable with him now, and knew she could trust him.

"About a year ago, my mom passed away. Car crash. After the funeral I was really upset, so I did something I wouldn't normally do and I went out to a bar and got a little drunk. And then I got a lot drunk."

"And then you met Jace," Alec finished, knowing where the story was going.

"Yes," Clary nodded. "But there's a side of the story that you don't know. I never mentioned it because I thought if I did, then Jace would hate me."

"Why would he hate you?"

Clary sighed, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "I didn't realize until a little while after my encounter with Jace that the sex we had was unprotected."

Alec's eyes widened as he understood where this story was going.

Clary continued. "I found out I was pregnant a few months later. The pregnancy was awful. I spent nine months struggling to pay doctors bills I couldn't afford, working any job I could get to eat for two when I could already barely afford to eat for one. There was a few weeks when I was living on the street after I got evicted. Eventually I ended up living in a small shithole that barely had room for a bed and a toilet. I knew I should have called my brother. I knew he would have helped me, but I was just so ashamed about the situation I was in that I didn't even talk to him for my entire pregnancy. I told him I was helping to build a school in Africa." Clary shook her head, knowing she was getting off track from the story she was trying to tell. "I really wanted to keep the baby." Her vision became blurry, her eyes filling with tears. "But I could barely afford to keep myself alive. I knew that if I kept the child it would have been a death sentence for the both of us."

"So you gave the baby up for adoption," Alec guessed.

Clary nodded. "The couple was really nice," she explained. "I knew they were wealthy enough to take care of the child. They were nice enough to pay my hospital bills and even gave me enough money to get me back on my feet. But… I just can't help but wonder what it would have been like if Jace had stayed that morning. He has enough money to have been able to support the baby. He's so good with James… I know he would have been a good father. But now I just have to live with the knowledge that my daughter is out there somewhere living with another family and she'll probably never even know who I am." A sob escaped her, shoulders shaking as she tried her best to hold back the tears.

Alec rested his hand on Clary's shoulder. "You have to tell Jace."

Clary shook her head. She was crying now. Tears dripped down her cheeks as she sobbed and heaved and hiccupped. "He'll hate me."

Alec sighed. "He might be upset, but you know he would understand. It's not your fault. You need to tell him. Otherwise it might cripple the friendship you already have with him. I'll give you a few days to figure it out."

Alec walked into his bedroom that night to find Magnus hunched over a bristol board surrounded by various coloured strings, glitter and tape.

"What are you doing?"

Magnus looked up, his eyes red and bloodshot. There was glitter in his hair, which isn't too unusual, to be honest.

"I'm working," Magnus muttered before hunching back over the board and continuing to glue things into place.

"Uh-huh," Alec muttered, slowly approaching his husband. "There's something I need to tell you about Jace and Clary."

"Their one night stand a year ago got Clary pregnant and she had to give up the baby," Magnus filled in, not once looking up from the glitter.

"How did you…"

"I was eavesdropping on your conversation earlier. Ran here to glue things to a bristol board."

"Uh-huh." Alec knelt down beside him. "Whatcha gluin' there, buddy?"

Magnus shifted his hunched shoulders over so Alec could see the board. Placed around the board were various pictures, some were obviously taken with a camera, others seemed to be surveillance camera screenshots. At the very top of the board, in blinding glitter, were the words CLACE 5EVR. At the bottom, below all the pictures and post it notes covered in hastily written scribbled, it said _Jace and Clary fucked once, they WILL fuck again._

"Magnus," Alec muttered, taking a closer look at how detailed the notes on the post its were. He noticed they seemed to be numbered steps. "How long have you been working on this?"

Magnus wiped his brow, leaving a trail of glitter behind. "Since Clary got here, what do you mean?"

**Don't forget to review. Or don't. But please we love validation.**


	9. Chapter 9

Straighter than a Stripper Pole

Magnus knelt down behind Clary to shimmy the skirt of the dress down her ass while she held the top firmly to keep her boobs from spilling out.

"Is this really appropriate attire for a dinner with you and your gay husband?" Clary asked, frowning at her reflection.

"Jace will be there too," Magnus said, still adjusting Clary's skirt.

"Hardly seems like someone worth dressing up for," Clary mumbled.

"Don't be silly, Biscuit," Magnus chided. "Every occasion is worth dressing up for, no matter how small. Now hold still while I stuff your buttcheeks into this dress."

"Shouldn't I put on some underwear first?"

"Absolutely not," Magnus scoffed. "That would ruin the entire outfit. The last thing this dress needs is a visible panty line."

Magnus finished stuffing Clary into the dress, then curled her hair and made her put on heels so high she was almost the same height as him.

Clary walked up the stairs in her stilts and tried her best not to break her entire face.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn," Jace whistled. "You clean up nicely."

"Thanks," Clary blushed, adjusting her skirt.

Jace twirled for the mirror Clary didn't realize he was standing in front of. "I was actually talking to this fine slice of sexy pie in front of me."

Then he looked up at Clary and had to clear his throat to hide the sound of him cumming in his pants. "Uh… but… uh… you look nice too…"

Alec clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "Ok, we need to leave. The reservation is at 6 and I don't want to be late."

"What about James?" Clary asked, noticing that the baby was with neither Jace nor Alec.

"We got a babysitter," Magnus said, ushering everyone towards the garage.

"Who?"

"Maia," Magnus and Alec said in unison.

Jace gasped. Clary's eyes bulged out of her head. They looked at each other.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What do you mean?" Alec asked, shoving Clary into the car. "Maia is a sweetheart."

Clary stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride, and Jace seemed to get the message too.

Once they reached the restaurant, Magnus and Alec went to their reserved table and Clary made an excuse about having to go to the bathroom. She took off her 8 inch heels as soon as she got inside and started to look for windows she could escape from. There was no way she was leaving that precious baby in the hands of a lunatic.

The door opened, and Clary whipped around to see Magnus standing behind her.

"Clary, is everything ok?"

Clary nodded, pretending to do a little pee dance. "Yeah, I just had too much to drink back at the house."

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked. "Because you seem nervous to me. I know you're uncomfortable about this being a double date but honestly you and Jace have already seen each other naked so what is there to be worried about?"

Clary frowned. "I'm sorry, did you say double date?"

Magnus swore. "Shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

Clary rolled her eyes. "It's fine. Can I please pee?"

"Alright, alright. Just give me a call if you need help getting that booty back into your dress."

Once Magnus was gone, Clary quickly ran to the window and hoisted it open. She lifted herself up and shimmied through the small opening, trying not to flash the entire bathroom incase someone else came in.

Just as she was about to free herself from the window, she saw a familiar blond head just below her.

"Jace?"

He looked up. "Oh, hey Clary."

"How did you escape?"

"I walked out the front door."

Clary cursed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"You worried about James too?" Jace asked, reaching up to tug on Clary's hand to help her out of the window.

But she didn't budge.

"Ouch!" she cried as Jace pulled harder.

"I think I'm stuck."

Jace nodded. "You've just got too good of a booty."

Clary sighed, knowing he was right. "I don't think I can pull myself the rest of the way through… maybe you should just go back to the house to check on James and I'll stay here to distract Alec and Magnus."

"Yeah…" Jace agreed. "Hey, did you know this was supposed to be a date?"

Clary chuckled. "No, Magnus let it slip just before I crawled out the window."

"He's going to be pretty upset when he finds out I left."

Clary shrugged as best as she could with half of her body hanging out of a window. "I feel like they're just fixated on that one night stand. But I don't want that to get in the way of our friendship."

Jace smiled. "Me neither."

There was a moment between them where neither of them said anything. Jace was holding Clary's hand and the window was holding Clary's body and for just a moment, she wanted to take back what she had said. She didn't want to be friends with Jace at all.

She shook her head, refusing to get lost in his eyes. "Anyway, would you mind giving me a little shove?"

Jace reached up and pushed on her shoulders as gently as he could while still shoving her through a tight window.

Clary's waist wiggled free and she managed to shimmy herself down close enough to the floor to drop down safely.

Or at least it would have been a safe landing if she weren't completely uncoordinated.

The second her feet hit the floor she spun, slipped and landed straight on her ass with her legs completely spread.

And just in front of her she saw Magnus smiling.

"Shit."

"Aww, sweetie, you shaved just for me?"

Clary sighed. "Did you hear that whole thing?"

Magnus smirked. "Every word. You didn't even wait for me to leave before you started wiggling that big ass out of the window."

"Why is everyone suddenly making so many comments about my ass?"

"Because it's delicious."

"Well," Clary stood up and pulled her dress down to cover her entire vagina. "I guess you already know that Jace is going to check on Maia and the baby."

"Oh, I don't care about that. Let's go back to the point where you two agreed to be friends?"

"What about it?" Clary huffed, still pulling down her skirt.

"Please," Magnus scoffed. "The only type of friends you and Jace could be is friends with benefits. Those benefits: a relationship."

Clary shook her head, shoving her feet back into her absurdly high shoes. "I don't think so."

Magnus ushered her to the door, following her out. "We'll see, Biscuit. We'll see."

They headed to the table and sat down, ready to place their order.

Alec looked up from his plate of completely eaten lobster. "Oh, hey. You guys ready to go?"

Magnus squinted at Alec's empty plate. "Did you order already?"

Alec licked his fingers. "Order? I finished eating. I paid the bill. I called the valet to bring the car around. Where have you been?"

"Did you not notice we were gone?" Clary demanded.

"I had a lovely night, thank you for asking." Alec stood and took off his lobster bib and put on his jacket. "Now come on, the car is waiting."

**wow we're really great at this updating thing huh? **

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review and hopefully we can manage a decent upload schedule**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	10. Chapter 10

Tried to Escape 14 Times

Clary was wearing another corset. _Another_ goddamn corset. If she had known when she took this job that she would be treated like a medieval barbie, she would have let herself starve in her shit hole apartment. Clary tried her best not to fall backwards as Isabelle yanked the laces of her corset so tight Clary thought she would cough up her stomach. "Is this…" _grunt_… "really necessary?" Clary demanded, holding on to the dresser so hard she thought she might break the wood.

Isabelle scoffed, tying the corset strings tightly at the bottom. "Yes, you can't come to my Victorian party if you're not dressed properly. Now put the dress on top."

Clary sighed and tried her best to lift her arms and pull on the lavender dress over all of these godforsaken layers. She was very grateful that she lived in the time of sweatpants and snuggies. She couldn't imagine having to do this every day.

Once the dress was over her head and straightened out, Isabelle helped her button up the back as she looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, the dress was pretty. The lavender colour brought out her eyes and made her hair look even brighter.

Isabelle finished fastening the buttons and pulled Clary's hair into a quick twisted bun. "I would have liked to do a better updo, like mine, but the party is about to start. A bun will have to do."

Clary was relieved. She thought for sure Isabelle would try to give her some kind of horrible powdered wig.

Isabelle scooped up James and handed him to Clary. The baby was dressed in a blue coat, a fancy period-accurate hat, and what could only be described as a frilly chest napkin shirt. The soother in his mouth made it look like he had a twirly moustache.

Clary walked upstairs, much more easily this time since apparently she had too much practice walking in a corset. At the top of the stairs, Jace, Alec and Magnus were all waiting. Magnus and Alec were dressed similarly to James, though their coats were a dark blue instead of the soft baby blue of James' coat.

Jace stood out from the group in his Party City Jack Sparrow costume. Isabelle was obviously not happy about Jace's outfit but she ignored him as she walked out towards the back yard.

"Come on everyone," she said, not turning around. "The garden party is about to start!"

Clary sighed (as best as she could with her breathing being restricted) and handed the baby to Magnus, just as he followed Isabelle out the back door.

Once Magnus was gone, Clary rolled her eyes. "Why do you keep letting Isabelle have these stupid themed parties? I want to die."

Alec shook his head. "I have no control. It's all Magnus. He loves these stupid things."

"Divorce him," Jace suggested. He was swinging around his pirate sword made of plastic, and Clary wondered why this millionaire bothered buying a ten dollar costume for this party when Isabelle could have easily made him one like she did for the rest of them.

Then she tried to take a deep breath and she remembered why. With Jace's luck, Isabelle would have tried to put him in a corset too.

They all followed Magnus out to the backyard and tried to mingle with all the people in shabbily put together 1800s outfits. Jordan was wearing the same Jack Sparrow costume as Jace. Maia was wearing a fully accurate Elizabeth Swann costume that probably cost a few thousand dollars.

The back garden was decorated with ornate tables, all covered in various types of finger sandwiches. Clary hated finger sandwiches. She would much prefer a whole footlong. Small sandwiches are stupid.

After a few minutes of mingling around, there was a soft _ting ting ting_ sound. Everyone turned to Maia, who was tapping a spoon against her teacup.

"Hello everyone," she said, as if this was her party or something. "I have an announcement to make." She put down her teacup and lifted her left hand, knuckles towards them. "Jordan Kyle has asked me to marry him!"

Several other women squealed and flocked around her. No one but Clary seemed to notice the very confused look on Jordan's face, or heard him mutter "I did what?"

"It's so romantic," Maia continued, as several women admired the diamond on her finger. "He gave me his mother's ring and proposed to me on her grave. It was the most romantic thing I've ever experienced."

"You're so amazing Maia," Maryse said, stroking her hair. "You really deserve this."

"You're a blessing on this earth," Isabelle sighed.

Jace leaned in to Clary and whispered, "is it just me or does this feel like a hostage situation?"

Clary nodded. "Agreed. Jordan still looks confused, like he didn't even know this was happening."

Magnus passed by Clary to shove James into her arms, then went over to congratulate Jordan. Clary hugged the baby and kissed him on the forehead.

Jace leaned in and started tickling James' nose. "Aww, cute little baby," he cooed.

"Aww," Isabelle interjected. They both jumped. No one noticed her separate from the group of women still fawning over Maia's ring. "You two are so cute with him." She squinted. "You know, he even kind of looks like you two. With the green eyes and blond hair… if I didn't know any better, I'd think you two were really his parents."

Jace chuckled, still booping the baby's nose.

Clary tried her best to laugh, but she had trouble finding humour in the comment.

Alec, who she didn't realize was standing behind her, tapped on Clary's shoulder and pulled her aside. Jace seemed sad that he couldn't play with the baby, so Clary handed James to him.

Alec walked her over to one of the snack tables, obviously trying to look casual as he nibbled on a weird finger sandwich. "Soooooo, I was thinking about the story you told me… about your baby."

Clary winced, but didn't say anything.

"You did say the baby was a girl, right?"

Clary looked around, hoping that no one was listening in on the conversation. "Uh, I'm actually not sure. I never asked for the gender of the baby. I just thought it would make it more painful to know… but I always imagined it was a girl."

Alec coughed into his sandwich. "Oh. Ok. Sorry for bringing this up again. I have to… uh… go….. And talk to Magnus… ok bye."

Alec scurried off towards his husband and Clary, confused, walked back towards Jace and the baby.

**OoOoOoO**

Jordan sat down on the couch, and he had barely even settled before he started talking.

"Maia told everyone that we're engaged today. I don't know how to tell everyone that I never proposed to her, or that my mother was buried with the engagement ring she apparently dug up. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm going crazy!"

Doctor Fairchild nodded slightly as he scribbled in his notebook. "Have you considered leaving the relationship? Staying with your friends or loved ones?"

Jordan shook his head. "I can't leave. She has my dog. She said if I ever try to leave her i'll never see Zuko again."

Doctor Fairchild chuckled. "You named your dog Zuko?"

Jordan nodded. "He has black over one eye. It's adorable. Don't judge me."

The doctor chuckled again. "Not judging. It's a perfect choice, I'm sure."

Jordan smiled, just a bit. It was the first time he had smiled in a while. "Thanks."

"Anyway, J," the doctor continued. "Tell me more about Maia."

**Hope you enjoyed that chapter. Please leave a review!**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	11. Chapter 11

I Thought You Weren't a Crazy Bitch

"Do we have to go?" Clary whined. She was sitting in the back seat with Jace, both of them squished beside James' car seat.

"This is Maia and Jordan's engagement party." Alec said, looking at Clary sternly through the rearview mirror. "We have to go to support them."

"I agree with Clary," Jace said, bumping his shoulder against hers. "Seems unsafe to walk into the house of a crazy person."

"Jordan isn't that bad," Magnus protested.

Jace rolled his eyes. "I was obviously talking about Maia."

Magnus and Alec both gasped. "How could you say that?" Magnus said, hand on his heart. "She's the most kind and joyful person I know."

They arrived at Maia's house shortly after, and Clary was surprised to find that it wasn't an insane asylum.

They all unloaded and headed to the front door. Clary held James close to her and covered his head with her free hand, hoping to protect him from whatever they were about to see.

Inside, Maia's house was… nice. It was tastefully decorated. She would call it minimalist if it weren't for the entire wall covered in picture frames. The frames hung all the way at the top near the ceiling aaaaall the way down to the bottom near the floor. They were all pictures of her friends and family, it seemed. Clary started to wonder if maybe she was being too harsh on Maia before.

"Hello everyone, welcome!" Maia greeted them. She led them into the kitchen where she had laid out a lunch of chicken, mashed potatoes, and several other things that made Clary's stomach grumble. "Jordan should be here any minute. He just ran out to grab a few things."

Simon and Isabelle were already there, and so was a tall guy who was standing closer to Simon than Isabelle was.

Clary reached for the plate of green beans, hoping to snatch one before anyone noticed, but Jace grabbed her hand. "Don't eat that," he hissed. "Don't let the house fool you. That food could be poisoned."

Clary rolled her eyes. "I'm immune to most poisons on the market anyway. She may be crazy but she's a good cook. This food smells good."

After a few more minutes of idle socializing and Clary sneakily snacking on the food, the front door flew open.

"I'm here," Jordan called, his voice cracking a bit. He stumbled into the kitchen and everyone stopped talking, too shocked to do anything but stare.

"Jordan." Jace's voice was concerned. "What happened?"

Jordan smiled, his teeth red with blood. "Oh nothing," he said, swaying on his feet. "Just got into a bit of a collision on my way home."

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Clary asked.

"Where are the plates," Maia asked.

"You should sit down, you might have a concussion." Alec tried to lead him towards a chair.

"Where are the fucking plates," Maia asked again.

Jordan smiled. Blood was dripping from a cut on his forehead. "They're right here sweetie. I'll set the table." He limped over to the dining table and started taking out paper plates and plastic cutlery.

"What? No, Jordan, you need to see a doctor," Clary protested. Several people agreed as they tried to pull Jordan gently away from the table.

"What. The fuck. Is this?" Maia was standing across from Jordan. He flinched like he had just been slapped. "Why are the plates green and the forks red? Huh? Jordan? Why? Is this a fucking Christmas party? Is our engagement a joke to you?"

Jordan's blood started to drip onto the plates in front of him. "I'm sorry, you know I'm colourblind and—"

"I don't want to hear your lame excuses with your stupid fake disabilities! First your diabetes, now this? You fucking liar! How dare you make a fool of me like this!" She shoved him into the wall behind him, which happened to be the wall covered in picture frames.

Several frames fell to the ground, and most people were too busy trying to pull Maia away from Jordan to notice all of the strange holes in the wall. Clary approached the wall and started ripping off frames. Each one hid a hole in the wall, all roughly the size of a fist or a foot.

Jordan was sitting on the floor, his hands over his ears as he rocked himself back and forth like a child trying to tune out the sound of his parents arguing.

"I knew it!" Jace screamed. "I knew she was a crazy bitch!"

Isabelle let go of Maia. "Jace, don't say that. She's just having a rough day. She's probably stressed about the wedding."

Maia, who had somehow freed herself from the four other people holding her down, opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out what looked like a molotov cocktail and a lighter. "I'm gonna burn this fucking house down."

"Oh," Isabelle said. "Yeah, she is crazy."

For the second time in the span of ten minutes, the door burst open, only this time the person standing behind it was wearing a blue uniform.

The man tackled Maia, knocking the molotov out of her hand and pinning her to the floor. "Maia Roberts, you are under arrest for four counts of arson, six counts of public urination, one count of kidnapping, seven counts of grave robbing, and domestic abuse. You have the right to remain silent…"

Another officer walked into the house as the first one was handcuffing Maia. He held a dog on a leesh. Once Jordan came into the dog's view, the officer let go of the leesh and let the dog run to him.

"Zuko!" Jordan smiled, hugging his dog. "You guys found him!"

The second officer nodded. "It wasn't easy. If we hadn't followed her last night when she was moving his location, we never would have found him."

"What the hell is going on?" Alec demanded. Jace and Clary seemed to be the only ones who weren't surprised by what was happening.

"This woman has been forcing Jordan to live with her and pretend to be in a relationship with her. She was holding his dog hostage and has been committing a shitton of crimes for the past three years. The only reason we had enough evidence to finally arrest her was because of an anonymous tip we got a few days ago."

"I knew it!" Clary said. She was standing at the kitchen island. Jace was holding the baby now so Clary could use both of her hands for the chicken.

The first officer reached behind Maia and took the ring off her finger. He handed it to Jordan. "Just so you know," he said, "if you need a place to stay, you can stay with me."

Jordan nodded. "Thanks man, I might take you up on that."

"Who is this delicious man?" Clary asked through bites of mashed potatoes.

"This is Bat," Jordan said. "I know him from work."

"Work?" Everyone looked just as confused as Clary. "You're a cop?"

"Mhm," Jordan nodded. He was sitting on the floor petting his dog now. "I have the most important job at the precinct. Paperwork."

Bat dragged Maia away and handed her to the other officer. She was screaming and struggling, but everyone ignored her. "I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you and that dumb dog!"

The second officer wasn't afraid to bang Maia's face on the doorframe on their way out.

"I'm going to go pack a bag," Jordan said. "I don't really want to stay here for much longer. Sorry about the party guys, I really wasn't expecting it to end like this."

"Are you kidding?" Magnus said, almost laughing. "This is the most interesting event I've ever been to!"

"I'm keeping the chicken," Clary muttered.

**Lol i love it when we update on time... **

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**-R&A**


	12. Chapter 12

**Yes, it's been 100 years since we've uploaded. Yes, we're sorry. Yes, it will probably happen again. Enjoy!**

Wanna go to Blood Testing?

"Come on everyone! No time to waste! Our appointment with the phlebotomist is at noon!" Alec was bustling around the house, trying to gather everybody and load them into the minivan.

"Why do we need to get blood work done?" Jace asked. He looked like he just rolled out of bed. He hadn't bothered to change out of his grey sweatpants and black undershirt that he must have slept in, and Clary wasn't exactly complaining.

Alec rolled his eyes. "It's important to get blood work done at least once a year, especially if you're _sexually active_, cough cough, JACE."

Jace scoffed. "I'll have you know that I always wear a condom."

Clary coughed. "And why am I coming?" Clary asked, hoping to steer the conversation somewhere else.

Alec cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, yes, because we need your help with James. He might get fussy."

Clary nodded. "So I'm not getting blood work done."

Alec coughed. "No. Uh. You're coming, so you may as well HAHA nothing suspicious at all we just need you to come and help us get blood work for our perfectly healthy baby and we are bringing both you and Jace because we want to be sure that our friends and loved ones are healthy and that is all." When Alec stopped he was out of breath.

"Alright darling, that's enough," Magnus interjected. He stepped out from around the corner, dressed in a silk kimono. "We're all going, no arguments, so get in the car."

Clary and Jace grumbled but didn't argue. They all filed into the car and Alec started driving to the clinic, blasting Mozart all the way. "It will help with James' brain development," he screamed over the music.

"Well it won't help with his ear development," Jace yelled back, reaching forward to lower the volume.

They got to the clinic and Magnus carried James inside. Clary and Jace loitered outside while Alec parked, clearly hoping to be able to escape somehow.

Just as Jace was about to sneak Clary to the nearest McDonald's, Alec slammed the car door shut and started walking towards them.

"Quick," Clary hissed, elbowing Jace. "Call your batmobile or something!"

"My what?"

"I don't know, don't all rich guys have some kind of high tech car they can call with a remote control or something?"

Jace scoffed. "I'm not Tony Stark."

Clary rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I slept with a millionaire and he doesn't even have a batmobile. And even worse, he's a Marvel fan!"

"Let's be honest," Jace hissed. "You slept with me for my magnificent body, not my money."

Clary shrugged. "The money wouldn't have hurt."

Alec finally reached them, grabbing them both by the shoulders and steered them into the building. "Come on, you two. It's blood testing time."

Clary pouted. "Do I have to? I know I don't have any STDs, I got tested after Jace ruined my toilet."

Jace cringed but said nothing.

"That's not all we're testing for," Alec said, but he gave no further details.

They all sat together in the waiting room, Magnus and Alec across from Jace and Clary. James was sitting on Magnus' lap and he was chewing on the soft fabric of his dad's kimono. Magnus didn't seem to mind that the silk was being ruined by baby spit.

Soon after, a man in a white doctor's coat, holding a clipboard entered the waiting room. He gestured to Magnus and Alec and ushered them into a side room, leaving Clary and Jace alone.

Clary didn't say anything about how they apparently didn't need her help with the baby after all.

Jace shook his leg nervously beside her. "So," he muttered. "We're just talking about this openly now, huh?" he asked.

Clary was caught a bit off guard, but just shrugged. "There's no reason for things to be weird. We slept together more than a year ago. We're both adults, there's no reason we have to be awkward about it."

Jace nodded. "So… what I'm hearing is you're down to do it again."

"I didn't say that."

"But you heavily implied it," Jace winked.

"Nnnnno, I definitely didn't."

Jace winked again. "But you wanna."

"Yes, but I didn't say that!"

"Ha!" Jace cried, far too loud for it to be appropriate for a waiting room. "You admit!"

Clary rolled her eyes. "I would like to retract my statement about us both being adults."

"But not about you wanting to sleep with me again," Jace smirked.

Jace's leg jiggling had slowed but not stopped. Clary slapped her hand down onto his knee. "You're shaking all of the chairs in this row."

Jace took Clary by the wrist and slid her hand farther up his thigh. She pulled her hand away and smacked his knee.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, and she knew it was about his still bouncing leg and not at all about his attempt to get her to touch his inner thigh. "I'm just nervous."

Clary chuckled. "You flirt quite boldly for someone nervous to talk to me about it."

"Not about that," Jace corrected. "I'm afraid of needles, not women."

Clary laughed. "Poor baby doesn't like getting his blood drawn?"

Jace shook his head and pouted.

Clary reached over and patted his cheek. "Poor rich baby doesn't know what it's like to go to blood drives for food stamps. I bet you've never even sold your eggs online."

"I definitely haven't," Jace agreed. "But not from a lack of trying. I just don't think many people are interested in buying my farm fresh eggs."

The man in the long white coat from before came out, with Magnus and Alec behind him. They sat back in their seats. "Clary and Jace?" the man called, and they both stood.

Jace took a small panicked breath and Clary squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, big baby. I'll sit with you."

The phlebotomist, whose name Clary learned was Denis, allowed Jace and Clary to sit beside each other as they both got their blood drawn at the same time.

Clary held Jace's hand as he screwed his eyes shut and let one single tear fall down his cheek.

Clary was more the type of person to look down and watch as the needle entered her arm. Jace, on the other hand, hadn't even had the needle in for more than a second and was already unconscious.

Clary rolled her eyes and let them finish, then shook Jace awake as the nurse pressed a bandaid to his arm. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. The aliens are done stealing your blood."

Jace opened his eyes slowly. "You think I'm pretty?"

"Very," Clary smiled and helped him up. She slung his arm around her shoulder and helped him back to the waiting room, where she saw Magnus and Alec, leaned together, whispering conspiratorially, like they had some big secret they didn't want anyone to know.

They stopped when they saw Jace and Clary approaching. "Hello nanny and uncle to my child and that is all you are to my child," Alec smiled creepily.

Jace swayed. "I'll have you know I am also the godfather."

"Yes," Alec agreed, "and that is the only father you are. The father of god, chosen by God to be the fake father, not the real father, and—"

"Alec shut up," Magnus interrupted. He nodded to Jace. "You okay, bud?"

Jace swayed a bit more and nodded. "I just lost so much blood."

Clary scoffed. "It was only two vials. That's like two and a half tampons. Grow up."

**OoOoOoO**

Jordan crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them again.

"Comfortable?" Doctor Fairchild asked.

Jordan nodded. He was nervous to talk for some reason, even though he was finally free of Maia, and he felt happier now than he had in years. Maybe it was because he hadn't been single in years and now, sitting here, having to talk to his hot psychiatrist, he didn't know what to say.

"I know it was you," he blurted out before he even realized. "You're the one that gave the anonymous tip about Maia."

Doctor Fairchild sighed and took off his glasses, cleaning them on his shirt. Jordan tried not to gasp at how much hotter he looked without his glasses. _Well call me Lois and slap me on the ass, _he thought. _Clark Kent just turned into Superman._

"Are you angry?" the doctor asked. "I know I wasn't technically violating doctor-patient confidentiality, but I hope I didn't cross a line."

Jordan shook his head. "No, thank you. If you hadn't, I'd still be stuck with that lunatic. And I wouldn't have my dog back."

Doctor Fairchild nodded and put his glasses back on. Jordan was, for some reason, turned on again. It was like looking at two different hot guys over and over again.

Jordan took a deep breath and tried to build his courage. "So… I was wondering… if maybe I could see you this weekend?"

Doctor Fairchild flipped through the pages on his clipboard. "My office is closed on the weekend, but if you'd like to move your next appointment to an earlier date—"

"No," Jordan interrupted. "That's not what I meant. I meant… like… maybe I could _see_ you this weekend."

The doctor blushed and took off his glasses. _Damn, he really needs to stop doing that_.

"J," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. "It would be inappropriate for me to date one of my patients. In fact, it would actually be illegal."

Jordan paled, and nodded. "Right. Yes. Sorry, I shouldn't have asked…"

Doctor Fairchild pulled a few papers out of his clipboard and handed them to Jordan with a pen. "You should fill out these transfer forms. I'll send you over to Doctor Wayland. He's great and I think he can really help you."

Jordan started to panic. He didn't reach for the pages the doctor was still holding out. "Wait, what? No, I don't want to transfer. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I was just—"

"How's Taki's at 7 on Friday?"

"...What?"

"For our date?" Doctor Fairchild asked.

"Oh." Jordan smiled and slowly took the pages. "That sounds great. Ok. I guess I'll see you then, Doctor Fairchild."

"Call me John."

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**R&A**


	13. Chapter 13

**Wow, us uploading on time? Who would have thought...**

You're Carrying Your Peanut

John took another bite of his eggs benedict and winked at Clary as they clinked their mimosa glasses together. "It's so nice to see you again. For a while I thought you were avoiding me."

Clary laughed nervously, "I'd never avoid you, John. I've just been so busy at my new job."

John nodded. "I'm glad you found a new place. I'm sure it's much better than the last, especially after that guy… uh…" he snorted into his mimosa, but didn't say more. "I still haven't heard much about your 5 months in Africa. You haven't shown me any pictures!"

Clary tried not to choke on her food. "Uh, I didn't take any. The Congo frowns on the use of technology, you know."

John squinted. "I thought you said you were in Kenya?"

Clary nodded slowly. "Yes. I went all over. There are lots of countries that were in need of teachers for their schools."

"I thought you were building the school."

"How can you build a school without teachers, John?"

John thought for a moment, then either decided to believe her or decided not to press her further. Clary was grateful, since she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up this lie. John didn't know that the time he thought she had spent in Africa helping build schools for the less fortunate, she was actually pregnant and living on the streets, and eventually in a crappy little apartment, working any odd job she could to feed herself and her baby.

"So anyway," John changed the subject. Clary tried not to sigh with relief. "I've started seeing someone."

Clary's smile brightened. "Really? Who? Tell me everything!"

John blushed and looked down at his food. "His name is J. He was one of my patients for a while but we decided he might work better with another psychiatrist, and we started going out."

"John, that's amazing!" Clary squealed. She grabbed his arm excitedly. "I can't wait to meet him."

"Calm down, things are just getting started. I have my first date with him tonight."

Clary squealed excitedly again, and they spent the rest of their brunch together discussing what he should wear, where he should bring J for dinner, whether or not he should bring him back to his apartment after.

When brunch was done, Clary tried to wrestle John for the bill, but he wasn't afraid to smack her in public, so she let him take it.

Clary promised to keep in contact with John more since she was now 'back from Africa.'

She tried not to let her guilt show as she headed back to the house for her shift with the baby.

She used her key to open the front door and started heading to the living room where she heard Alec and Jace yelling.

"I do not!" Jace yelled like a child.

"Oh please," came Magnus's voice down the hall. "We all see how you look at her. All starry eyed, like she's the sun and you're the moon."

Clary tiptoed down the hallway quietly, hoping to catch more of the conversation.

"I do not!" Jace whined. "I look at her the same way I look at anyone else."

"Oh yeah, uh-huh." Magnus pretended to agree. "If you looked at Alec like that, he might try to get you in bed with him."

Alec chuckled. "I mean ew, he's my brother, but also it's true. You look at her like she's a whole pig and you haven't eaten in days."

"Just admit it!" Magnus exclaimed. Clary heard a soft squeak, as though he was standing on the couch. "You're in love with Clary! You dream about her every night, you smile every time you see her, you think about her in the shower, you—" Magnus looked over at the door that had been left ajar, at Clary standing behind it, plainly eavesdropping. He let out a loud "HA!"

Jace and Alec whipped around, facing her as she slowly opened the door. Clary was surprised to see that Jace was almost the colour of her hair. Clary tried not to blush in return. "Hey guys… where's the baby?"

Magnus tossed Clary the baby monitor from where it was hooked on his belt and pointed upwards to indicate the baby's bedroom.

"You're all being awfully loud during nap time," she criticized.

Magnus smirked. "We had some very important things to discuss."

Clary rolled her eyes and turned to head upstairs, finally allowing the blush she felt to creep up her cheeks and down her neck.

Jace sighed just as he heard Clary scurrying up the stairs and followed after her. "Clary, wait!" he called as he followed her up.

Alec's phone rang suddenly, and he pulled it out, still laughing, and walked into the corner of the room. "Hello? Ah, yes, ok, thank you… Goodbye." He set his phone down and smiled a smile that was only slightly disturbing. "So, I have news," he said to Magnus through clenched teeth. "That was the phlebotomist."

"Oh don't tell me," Magnus sighed. "Our poor Jace has syphilis."

"What? No. Maybe. But that's not what this is about." Alec took a deep breath, then whispered as quietly as he could; "the test came back positive."

"THE PARENTAL TEST CAME BACK POSITIVE?" Magnus shrieked.

Alec pounced on Magnus and slapped his hands over his husband's mouth. "Yes," he whispered, hoping Magnus would follow as he slowly peeled his hands away. "Jace and Clary are James' biological parents."

Magnus exhaled slowly, then inhaled, then let out a very high, very long squeak. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?"

Alec slapped his hands back over Magnus' mouth. "_Will you be quiet,_" he hissed. "They could hear us!"

"Sorry," Magnus said around Alec's fingers, then brushed his hands away. "I'm just so excited!" he whispered. "Let's go upstairs and tell them right now."

Alec grabbed Magnus by the back of his shirt just as he was walking away. "Are you _crazy_? Do you have any idea what this could do to their possible relationship? Do you have any idea what Jace could do to a child if left unsupervised?"

"You're right," Magnus nodded slowly. "We can't just tell them. We need something more theatrical. I'm thinking a murder mystery dinner, but instead of a murder, it's a birth! The birth of James! And you have to find the parents before the end of the night!"

"What?"

"You're right," Magnus agreed. "That's too much. Maybe we should go for a simple three act play? Or maybe a silent film?"

"Magnus!" Alec hissed, grabbing his husband by the shoulders. "Get a hold of yourself! We can't tell them at all!"

Magnus squinted at him. "What? Why not? They're James' parents. They deserve to know. Clary will be so happy to have a second chance with the baby she gave up! And Jace will be so happy to have a second chance with Clary!"

"But that's just it!" Alec shook Magnus again. "They've barely known each other for a few months. Jace obviously likes her, but we don't even know if Clary likes him back! We don't know if either of them are ready for a baby, or would be responsible parents at all! And we definitely don't know if they're ready to have a baby _together_!"

Magnus nodded slowly, then said; "I'm not going to let you keep this from them just because you want to keep the baby. I'm going to go tell them." Magnus scurried out of Alec's grip and bounced up the stairs, with Alec not far behind him.

Magnus sprinted into the nursery and shut the door, locking it. He swung around and smiled at Clary, who was bottle feeding James in the rocking chair. Jace sat on the floor near her feet playing with some building blocks. "Hey guys," Magnus smiled, completely out of breath. He ignored the loud thumping on the door as Alec threw his shoulder against it on the other side.

"Wow," Magnus said still huffing and puffing. "James' eyes are really starting to look green, aren't they? And his blond hair is just so…"

The door swung open with a bang as Alec knocked the lock out of the doorframe. He grabbed Magnus by the collar and pressed him against the wall.

"What's going on?" Jace asked, standing from the floor. "Don't hit Magnus, you'll ruin his eyeliner."

Magnus nodded furiously.

"I'M GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH MAGNUS RIGHT NOW SO YOU TWO BETTER LEAVE!" Alec yelled, not looking away from Magnus.

Clary gagged. "Alec, in the baby's room? Come on."

Alec whipped around to stare at Clary, his body still pressing Magnus against the wall. "Yes. Right now. Get out and close the door behind you."

Jace and Clary scurried out, closing the broken door as best as they could behind them.

Alec let Magnus down from the wall slowly, but gave him a death glare so scary Magnus didn't dare move or make a sound.

"You need to listen to me. I have a plan, but it'll take a little time. You _cannot_ tell Jace and Clary about this yet. Do you understand?"

Magnus gave a small nod. Alec let go of his shirt and smoothed it out for him. "Good. Now let's go make dinner."

**OoOoOoO**

Jordan skipped out of the theater, dragging John behind him as he drank the rest of his soda. "That was awesome," he gushed. "I wish I could watch the third one right now!"

John laughed. "Come on, J , the second one just came out yesterday."

Jordan twirled to face him and slurped his pop again. "It's Jordan, actually."

John smiled. "Jordan. Okay."

The two walked back from the movies together, holding hands and talking about spiderman. When the couple reached John's apartment, they stood awkwardly for a moment, before separating their hands slowly.

"This was really nice," Jordan said.

John smiled at him. "Yeah. I'd love to see you again this weekend."

Jordan nodded. "I'd like that." He turned away then to head back to his place, but John caught his sleeve and pulled him back against him, pressing their lips together. "Want to come upstairs for some tea?" he offered when they pulled apart.

Jordan smiled, then shook his head. "Maybe some other time."

John nodded, then kissed him again. "So, this weekend?"

Jordan nodded. "This weekend."

**Please let us know your thoughts! We love reading all of your reviews!**

**xoxo**

**R&A**


	14. Chapter 14

And that's what Happens to the Placenta

"And that's what happens to the placenta," Magnus explained, taking a sip of his drink.

Max nodded slowly, then shook his head. "But… I still don't understand why you're dressed as one."

Magnus and Isabelle had gone all out for this halloween party. People had asked him once or twice if the spider webs were fake or if he had invested in an army of spiders for the aesthetic. Magnus had decided his costume would be funny rather than scary. He wore a red, bloody looking poncho with his brown gucci belt. Very couture. In a red baby bjorn on his chest was James, dressed as a fetus. Which in this case was just a pink onesie and some strawberry jam smeared all over his face and hands. Magnus wasn't sure where James was getting all of this jam from. But it was a nice touch.

Max was barely wearing a costume, considering the way he's been dressing the past couple of weeks anyway. His now blond hair was cut into a very Jace-like undercut. He wore a black leather jacket and matching boots, something Jace hadn't worn in years but was still very stereotypically him. He seemed to be truly embracing the role of becoming Jace Herondale.

"Hey Max," said a stranger approaching from behind him. "That jacket is very last season."

It took Magnus a moment to realize who was standing beside him. It was Jace, wearing a horrible looking brown wig of short curly hair. Across his forehead was a black headband with a metal plate. Engraved on the metal plate was a strange looking eye. He wore a hideous orange jumpsuit with the sleeves cut off and a large japanese characters in a white circle on the chest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

Isabelle laughed, leaving a previous conversation she was having with Simon and Clary and joining their small group. "Nice Max costume."

Max shook his head. "What are you talking about? He looks nothing like me."

Jace reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of round Harry Potter glasses and a wand. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes!" Max squeaked defensively. "I'm not into that lame stuff anymore. And I would never wear Goku's training suit with a naruto headband! That's just insane!"

Jace nodded, smirking and clearly trying not to laugh. "Well if you'll excuse me, I have to go and play Pokemon Go." He turned to leave.

"I'll have you know that's a very popular game! It has over 800 million downloads worldwide!"

Jace walked over to Clary, who was wearing a blue striped dress and had her hair braided into two pigtails with blue bows at the end. When she smiled and laughed at his costume, he spun around for her so she could get a full view of his ensemble. Max seethed and stomped off towards the drink table.

Alec wandered over towards his husband and smiled like he was holding in a huge shit. He electric-slided over to Magnus awkwardly and leaned against a pillar. "Hello my husband and my son, I see that you are both casually standing here, just like me, casually standing beside you."

"Alec, what are you doing?"

Alec leaned in and whispered through a clenched and forced smile, "I set up all the cameras."

Magnus nodded, glancing around to make sure no one was looking in their direction. Then he pulled out his phone and logged on to the app connected to the surveillance cameras. Alec leaned over his shoulder, as though Magnus were showing him a cute picture of James, and they swiped through, looking at all the camera angles Alec had set up around the house. All the angles seemed to cover most of the house, leaving few blind spots. "Wow, you even got the bathrooms."

Alec nodded. "And three different angles on all of the couches and both of their beds. Just in case."

Magnus scrunched his face. "You want to watch them…"

Alec shrugged. "We need all the details!"

"This is why I love you."

Alec smiled and kissed his husband. Then Magnus noticed Alec's outfit. "Where's your costume?" he pouted.

Alec scoffed and held out his arms. "What do you mean? I'm obviously a ninja."

"You're just wearing black jeans and a black shirt. You always wear that."

Alec shook his head. "I'm also wearing a karate belt!"

"Alec, that's from my robe."

He shrugged. "I had to improvise."

Magnus rolled his eyes and stomped away from his husband towards the snack table where he fed James a finger scoop of peanut butter for James to add to his odd abundance of jam. Jordan stood at the table eating a chicken leg and sipping tea from an old ceramic cup. His dog, Zuko, was wagging his tail at his side. "Are you dressed as Uncle Iroh?" Magnus asked.

Jordan nodded, smiling around a mouthful of chicken. "With a dog like Zuko, it's hard not to base your whole costume around him."

Magnus chuckled. "So how have things been now that you're not living with Maia?"

"Great. I sleep so much better now that I don't have to wear handcuffs to bed."

Magnus nodded slowly. "Mmm, I bet."

"And it's a lot easier to eat without someone searching each bite of my food for alien technology."

"Jeez, how did we miss all of that?"

Jordan shrugged. "It's ok, I'm with someone else now. Things are a lot better."

"Aww!" Magnus sighed, "when do we get to meet her?"

"Actually it's a him," Jordan smirked. "Never thought you'd be the type to assume. Tsk tsk."

"That's amazing!" Clary squealed, somehow suddenly appearing between the two of them without either of them noticing. To be fair, she was quite small. "What's his name?" she demanded.

Jordan shook his head, "we thought it would be better to just wait and let him meet a few of you at a ti—are you dressed as Wendy?"

Clary reached into her basket of hamburgers and chomped down on one. "I am indeed. The best costumes are ones that come with food."

Jace stumbled over to the table and leaned against it, letting his head fall onto Clary's shoulder. "You smell like flowers," he mumbled, taking a sip from his solo cup.

"What are you drinking?" Clary demanded.

Jace shrugged, "some kind of juice Max gave me. There's no alcolo in it so don't worry baby i'm el sobero."

Clary lifted his cup and took a sip. "Jace, this is pure gin."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Max would nver lie tomé!"

"Jace," Manus chided. "You know what happens when you drink. We don't need you having another accident."

Jace shook his head, but looked more like he was leaning side to side. "I have nver had an accident. Only an on purpose."

Clary squinted at him. "You shat in my shower on purpose?"

Jace hiccupped. "Yees."

Clary placed the cup far out of Jace's reach. "Jace, you should probably get to the bathroom."

Jace shook his head, still leaned against Clary's shoulder. He almost hit her in the nose with his forehead. "I'm fin i jus need some breab." Jace shot up suddenly and looked around like a deer in headlights. His brow was suddenly dripping with sweat and he was shivering.

"Are you sure about that?" Clary asked.

Jace said nothing, just turned towards the hall and ran as fast as he could, one hand coming behind him to cork the hole.

Simon laughed, coming up to the table. "I used to run like that when I was little."

Clary laughed too. "I had a friend who ran like that too. He changed schools when we were little because he shat his pants in English class."

Simon nearly spat out his drink, but managed to choke it down. "Wow, that… really sucks for that person. I'm sure after that they learned how to schedule their bowel movements properly and never experienced that again. But as I said, can't relate."

Clary leaned in to whisper in Simon's ear. "Mrs Sherman's class, third row. You wore blue pants. They were never the same after that. I remember."

Simon went pale and laughed nervously. He slowly inched away, hoping no one would notice him as he ran out the door and into the night.

**Hey so remember when we said we were gonna update more regularly? lol**

**xoxo**

**R&A**


	15. Chapter 15

**Wooooooow we finally updated! We will be uploading more frequently. Jk who knows when we will post next... **

Pie or Fetus

"Thanks for meeting up," Jordan said, sitting down across from Alec and Magnus. "John is kind of nervous to meet my friends so we wanted to start with a few of you at a time. And this is his first time dating a guy so I think it would be good for him to see a healthy gay relationship, you know?"

Magnus nodded, pouring himself a seventh bottle of wine. "Yes, that's a good plan. Where is mister blondie anyway?"

Alec sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "I'm so sorry about this. For some reason every time we come to this restaurant, Magnus drinks more wine than a sad Catholic lady."

"It's made of cherries!" Magnus hissed. "The wine is cherries! How could I not drink it all"

Jordan stood suddenly, looking over Alec's shoulder. "John, hey! You made it!"

A tall blond man came into Alec's view. He seemed athletic without being jocky about it. He had a strong jaw and kind eyes. Alec could not deny the obvious big dick energy coming off of this guy.

John stopped when he reached Jordan and gave him a quick kiss before sitting beside him. He reached over the table and shook Alec's hand and introduced himself, then went to greet Magnus.

Alec's _very_ drunk husband reached out and kissed John's hand. "Enchantée, monsieur hot bod. Do you come here often?"

John smiled, confused but clearly eyeing the many bottles of wine on the table. "You must be Magnus."

Magnus nodded. "Would you like some wine?" He picked up each bottle, shook it, then put it back down until he found one with a couple of inches of wine left. "It's cherry."

John shook his head. "I'm ok, I'll just stick with coke."

Magnus gasped. "One time, Alec and I were in Vegas, and he was like 'ooh we're on vacation lemme do a line of coke' so he _did_ and then he rolled down a hill and puked on the way down and rolled in the puke."

Alec rubbed his eyes. "Magnus, that was a can of coke. I drank a can of coke."

John nodded, "uh-huh, and you didn't roll down a hill and puke all over yourself either?"

Alec sipped his water. "God, you're worse than Jace…"

Magnus gasped even louder than last time. "Jace!" he leaned over to Jordan and John conspiratorially, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Did you know that Jace, Alec's brother, knocked up our nanny?!"

Jordan's eyes widened. "Wait, what? They slept together? She's pregnant!?"

Magnus shook his head. "No, Jordan, this was like—Jordan, this was like more than a year ago. She got pregant and she was so poor she couldn't keep the baby!" He pouted exaggeratedly. "So sad."

Jordan's mouth fell open. "So she met Jace over a year ago and they hooked up and he didn't even pay her child support or help her or anything?"

Magnus chugged the rest of his wine. "He didn't know! It was sush a tragedy they lost eachother like romeo and Juliet. Did Romeo and Juliet ever lose each other? Like in an airport?"

Alec shook his head. "You're thinking of Home Alone."

Magnus nodded, "yeeees, that's what I was thinking of. Anyway, they lost eash other and Cary was a hobo for like a month when she was pregant ooooooh it was so saaaaaaaaaaad"

John nodded along, "your nanny's name is Carrie?"

"We really shouldn't be talking about this," Alec interrupted, almost cutting off John. "This isn't appropriate to be telling a stranger. Or Jordan for that matter. It's not our business," he whispered to Magnus.

Magnus gasped. Alec really wanted him to stop gasping. "You should come back to our place! You should meet them so you can know what they look like so you can imagine their faces in your mind… but sssshhhhhhhhh," he closed his eyes and pressed three fingers to his pursed lips. "Jace doesn't know. About the baby, that is. He knows about the sex because it was consentual. Or as consentual as sex can be between two drunk people."

"We can't leave, we haven't even ordered." Jordan protested. "I'm hungry."

John nodded in agreement.

Magnus stood and waved down the waiter. "Garçon! Ten bottles of wine and four deluxe hamburgers to go, please." He threw his napkin down onto the table and took John's hand, leading him towards the door. "Come darling, let's go wait in the car while dearest Alec pays the bill."

Magnus opened the door and let it swing all the way until it hit the wall. He stomped inside with John on his arm, Alec and Jordan behind him carrying the takeout. "HOME, I'M HONEYYYYYY!"

Jace rounded the corner, looking confused. "You guys are home early."

Alec lifted the bag of take out and Magnus lifted one of his bottles of wine. "We decided to bring it back here."

They brought their takeout into the kitchen and set it down on the counter. Jordan skipped off to the bathroom.

Jace reached out and shook John's hand. "I'm Jace."

John nodded and introduced himself.

"Pst," Magnus whispered loudly. "John… this is the guy who had sex with our nanny!"

John nodded, releasing Jace's hand. "Uh, yeah. I got that."

Jace sighed. "You told him about that? I only just met the guy."

Magnus leaned in closer and whispered even louder, "yeah but don worry. We didn't tell him about how you shat up her whole apartment and she had to move out because you ruined it with your poop. Your shit was the reason for her homelessness... Sssshhhhhhhhh, he'll never know."

Magnus grabbed Alec's arm and led him out of the kitchen, proclaiming that he wanted to put on his jammies. They left a furiously blushing Jace and awkward John alone in the kitchen.

"Maybe we shouldn't leave Jace alone with John," Alec mumbled to his husband.

Magnus shook his head. "Nah, they'll be fine. Straight boys always get along."

Alec didn't feel like correcting him that John, being in a relationship with Jordan, a man, was clearly not straight. So he just led Magnus upstairs and helped him change into his pyjamas.

Once they were both dressed in comfy clothes, they went back downstairs to check on the two complete strangers they'd left alone together.

Jordan stood in the kitchen doorway staring at the scene ahead. Alec wasn't sure what he was staring at until he got close enough to see John and Jace fully embracing each other.

"I love you so much bro."

"I love you too bro."

"Bro, you make me feel complete."

"Bro…"

"What the hell is happening here?"

Instead of separating, John and Jace spun so Jace could look at Alec. "I'm hugging my bro."

"You guys have known each other for less than ten minutes," Alec said.

Jace let go of John and spread his arms. "He's the closest thing I have to a brother!"

John shed a single tear. "Bro," he said, hugging Jace again.

"What is happening," Jordan mumbled.

Magnus nodded in agreement. "Somehow this is the gayest thing I've ever seen."

Clary walked into the kitchen suddenly. She was sweaty and had a large vomit stain on her shirt. She grabbed one of the bottles of wine from the counter and popped it open, taking a long sip. "James is asleep," she finally said after swallowing. She nodded to the blond stranger's back who was hugging Jace. "Is this Jordan's boyfriend?"

"He was," Jordan mumbled. "Now I think he's Jace's boyfriend."

John patted Jace's back and finally pulled away to greet the newcomer. "So you're the nanny. Hi Cary—clARY?!"

"John? What the hell are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?"

"I work here! I told you about my nanny job."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight, right right right. But like… not the nanny that fucked this blond asshole right here and got pregnant right?"

"What?" Clary squeaked.

"Ssshhhhh," Magnus hushed.

"Pregnant?!" Jace demanded.

Clary whipped around to look at Alec. "You _told _him? How could you?"

"Yes," Magnus whispered. "Alec told him. How could he? I'm shocked." He took another sip of wine.

John grabbed Clary's shoulder and pulled her back to face him. "You mean to tell me you got _pregnant_ and you never told me? When did this happen?!"

Clary looked away, "last year."

John gasped. "You were pregnant in Africa?"

"I never went to Africa! That was a cover for the pregnancy."

"So you lied to me for months and lived in poverty instead of letting me help you? I had money Clary. I could have helped! You didn't have to live on the streets or give up the baby! Why didn't you just talk to me?" John was yelling now, and he didn't even seem to notice how much he was raising his voice.

Jordan had shrunk back into the hall, clearly upset by the yelling.

Clary's eyes began to water. "I wanted to tell you… I was just so ashamed. I didn't know what you would do and I just thought I could do it on my own…"

John wrapped his arms around his sister. "It's ok. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I'm just upset that you had to go through that all by yourself."

Clary leaned into his chest and sniffled. "I'm sorry." She pushed away from him. "And I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Jace—"

But Jace was gone. After a few moments, they heard the front door slam shut.

Magnus cleared his throat. "Sooooo… we're going on vacation… and we leave tomorrow!"

Clary sighed in defeat.


	16. Chapter 16

I don't like being Penetrated

Magnus set his Mary Poppins suitcase by the door, took off his tophat and bent over to kiss James on the forehead. "Goodbye my beloved son. May only good tidings and good fortune find you in the coming days."

Alec dropped his backpack on the ground beside the ornate suitcase and crossed his arms. "What are you doing? Why are you dressed like that?"

Magnus sighed dramatically. "This could be the last time I ever see my son. This could be the last time he ever sees me! Do you want me to look underdressed for his final memories?"

Alec pulled Magnus away from Jace and Clary and whispered, "cut it out! They're going to think something's up!"

"They'll think something is up if I _don't_ do something like this!"

Alec gave a small nod. "Touché."

Magnus turned back to Clary and James. "Oh my poor son, soon to be left alone with two young lovers and his fathers nowhere in sight! What will we ever do!"

"Young lovers?" Clary demanded.

"When will you two be back?" Jace asked, clearly ignoring the young lovers comment.

Magnus shrugged. "Could be a day. Could be a week. Could be ten years. Only time will tell."

"Do you… not have your return ticket booked yet?" Jace asked.

"Where are you two even going?" Clary adjusted James on her hip.

Jace nodded. "Yeah, we haven't seen your printed trip itinerary, Alec. This is very unlike you."

Alec picked up his backpack and Magnus' suitcase and cleared his throat. "I am chill now, Jace. I smoked a whole mara wana and now I am relaxed and do not feel the need to print out large, detailed travel schedules. We will return from our trip when we see fit. Good day." Alec turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

Magnus awkwardly opened the door again and slid out after him.

"Well that was weird," Jace mumbled.

Clary turned towards Jace and hoisted James higher onto her hip. "Jace, we need to talk."

Jace turned away from her and started walking towards the kitchen. Clary followed.

"About what?"

Clary sighed. "About the baby."

Jace stopped in his tracks and whipped around to face Clary. At first she thought he was upset with her, but then he just clamped his hands over James' ears and said in a loud whisper, "_Ssssssshhhhhh!_ He can hear you!"

Clary rolled her eyes. "Not this baby. You know what I mean."

Jace just shook his head. "Do I?"

As if on queue, James' face scrunched up and he let out a few short, choked sobs, then opened his little mouth and started wailing.

Jace pouted and scooped the baby away from Clary. "Aww, poor baby. Was the big ginger lady mean to you?" He lifted James by the armpits and stuck his face in the baby's bum to sniff his diaper. He pulled away and almost puked. "Damn, this kid is one foul shitter."

Jace turned around and walked past Clary up towards the nursery to change his diaper. Clary didn't mind. One less diaper for her to change. She sighed and walked into the living room and plopped onto the couch, cracking open a book Alec had left on the coffee table about colour palettes.

Across the street, a taxi pulled into the large stone house with the white door and the wooden deck. Magnus and Alec got out of the taxi and walked towards the front door.

"Was the taxi really necessary?" Alec asked, taking the key to his neighbor's house out of his pocket and unlocking the door.

"It had to be believable," Magnus wined, waving as the taxi pulled out of the driveway.

"It was nice of the Swanson's to let us stay here while they're in Norway." Alec opened the door.

"Yes yes, so very kind, now hurry up and get inside before Jace or Clary look out the window and see us."

Alec rolled his eyes and pushed the door open. Together they walked inside and sat down on the couch in the living room as Alec rigged the camera feed from their house to the living room tv.

Alec pulled up a split screen onto the tv. On the left was Clary, sitting in the living room and reading Alec's copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. On the right was the nursery. Jace was changing James' diaper.

"They're not even having sex yet!?" Magnus demanded, throwing his hands in the air. "What are they waiting for?"

"Maybe for them to talk about the fact that Jace just found out that Clary had his baby, then gave it up for adoption."

"Oh my god, that is such old news, he found out like yesterday! Besides, it's not like their baby is gone! He's wiping his son's ass as we speak!"

"Well he doesn't know that!"

"That's why I wanted to tell him."

Alec shook his head. "It's not your place."

"I know," Magnus sighed. "I just wish Clary would hurry up already."

On the tv, Jace picked up James and left the nursery. The camera followed him as he went downstairs, walked past Clary and went to the kitchen. Clary got up and followed him.

"We need to talk about this, Jace," Clary followed him into the kitchen. "We can't just pretend nothing happened."

"You're right," Jace agreed. "We need to talk about what to have for dinner."

Clary sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"I was thinking whole pig, but I don't know how to make it, so I guess not."

Clary's eyes got very big very fast. "But… I know how to make it….."

Jace smiled, laying James down on the counter and smiling down at him. "Hear that James? Clary is gonna make us some whole pig!" He held James by the ankles and made the baby kick his feet in excitement. James giggled.

Clary couldn't help but admire the way Jace played with James. She knew he would have made a good father. She thought the idea would have made her sad, like any thoughts of her baby usually did, but instead it made her hopeful. And also kinda horny.

Clary tried not to stare too much at Jace and James playing in the corner as Clary made dinner. She tried not to make her bedroom eyes too obvious as she watched Jace show James how to fit certain shapes into certain holes, and she thought about something else that Jace could put into a certain hole. She knew they still had to talk about what had happened the day before, but she thought that maybe after they talked about it they wouldn't have to worry about what happened next.

Clary spent longer than usual rocking James to get him to sleep. She was thinking about what she needed to say to Jace, but she was also debating whether she really wanted to sleep with him or if she was just having some kind of horny baby fever.

Once she was sure James was asleep, she laid him down in his bed and turned towards the door. She was startled to see that Jace was already there, leaning against the door frame.

"Hey," she said, approaching him tentatively.

"Hey," he said back, not meeting her eyes.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday." She waited for him to interrupt again, to change the subject or make a joke, but he didn't. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't know how to bring it up. And I knew you'd be upset, and I didn't know how to say it or what to do when I did. But I'm sorry. I wish things didn't go the way they did, especially now that I know you so well, and I see that you would have been such an amazing fath—"

Jace leaned forward and pulled Clary towards him. He kissed her once, to shut her up. Then he kissed her again because he had wanted to since she'd first moved in. Then he kept kissing her, and she kept kissing him, and they stumbled back out of the room and down the hall until they finally fell into Jace's bed.

The tv's view switched from the nursery to Jace's bedroom, and Magnus and Alec watched as Jace started to undo the buttons on Clary's shirt and they fell into bed together.

Alec cleared his throat and reached for the remote to turn it off.

Magnus slapped his hand away. "Alexander, please. We've earned this." Magnus reached under the couch and brought out a bottle of champagne and two glasses. He snatched the remote from Alec and turned the volume up.

**A is finally done school, which means that this quarantine may actually make us write and update more... who knows. Anything is possible.**

**remember to stay safe and stay inside.**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	17. Chapter 17

It's our anniversary

Clary woke up as she should have a year ago after the first time she slept with Jace. Warm, sober, and wrapped in his arms. She could smell the sweet scent of his clean sheets, which was a lovely juxtaposition to the smell of her clogged toilet that she remembered too vividly.

Jace hugged her tighter as she tried to get up and grumbled into her hair. "Not yet," he groaned. "Too early…"

Clary chuckled and slowly pried his arms from around her. "Don't you want me to make you breakfast?"

Jace smiled softly without opening his eyes. "I wouldn't say no to some French toast. Or pancakes. Or… oooh, waffles?"

"Waffles," Clary nodded. She hopped up from the bed and threw on the shirt Jace had been wearing the day before. It was a faded blue t-shirt with angel wings across the back. She thought it was funny that someone with so much money would keep such worn things.

On her way downstairs, she stopped by James' room, and was surprised to see that he was still sleeping. She knew the baby monitor hadn't gone off, but she thought it was too good to be true.

About 30 minutes later, Jace finally made it downstairs with a still sleepy James hugged to his chest. Clary smiled at them both as she flipped two more waffles onto the already towering stack, and started pouring more batter into the two waffle presses.

Jace set James down to sit on the counter just in front of him, his little chubby legs dangling off the side, and reached up to yawn and rub his eyes. In almost perfect timing, James reached up to do the exact same.

Clary stared at the two of them for a moment, wondering if this what her life could have been like if that night with Jace had been different. If Jace hadn't left that morning, or even if they hadn't been quite so drunk the night before. Jace had enough money that he could have supported Clary and the baby through her tough time. They could have bought a house together, maybe one with a kitchen like this one, and Clary could have made him waffles every morning. And Jace could hug their daughter and kiss her on the forehead like he was doing now…

Clary shook her head, clearing herself from her daze, and walked around the kitchen island to wrap her arms around Jace from behind. She pressed her cheek to his bare shoulder.

Jace seemed to understand what she was thinking and didn't stop her. He kept one hand on James, who was still sitting on the counter and sucking on his fist. Jace's other hand came to rest on Clary's and they stood there quietly for a few peaceful moments.

"Look at them!" Magnus cried, wildly gesturing to the TV. "Would they not be great parents? Aren't they so good together?"

Alec sighed. He did have to admit that they seemed to be getting along really well. But still, he shook his head. "They still haven't talked about the baby. Jace knows that Clary gave up their baby and they're both avoiding the subject. A functional couple can't raise a baby without having open communication."

Magnus nodded along with everything Alec said as he slowly and discreetly lifted his phone to his ear.

"Magnus, are you calling Jace right now?"

Magnus' eyes widened as a soft ringing sound came from the TV. "Nooo… I'm calling Clary." The Jace on the TV released Clary's hand and reached for Clary's phone on the counter.

Alec dove and tackled Magnus to the floor, wrestling the phone out of his hand just as Jace answered.

"Magnus? What's up?"

Alec coughed. "Jace, it is I. Your dearest brother."

"Alec, I know your lying voice. Are you about to lie to me?"

Alec smacked Magnus' hand away as he tried to snatch the phone from his ear. "Ok fine, we're coming home."

"Already? After one night? Where did you two even go?"

Alec hung up the phone without answering Jace's question. He and Magnus watched the TV as Jace stared at his phone, perplexed, before setting it down on the counter and reaching for a waffle.

Alec shoved his husband's phone into his back pocket. "Were you really about to reveal the true parentage of our adopted child to his birth parents over the fucking phone?"

Magnus shrugged, "we have to tell them somehow."

Alec shook his head. "We still have a lot to do before we can tell them. All that this little experiment has done has proved that they still have feelings for each other. We still don't know if they would be good parents, or if they would even want to raise a child together. James is still our son and I'm not signing him over to anyone until we know it's what's best for him."

Magnus sighed. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I just got caught up in the heat of the moment."

Alec hugged Magnus. "It's ok. We just need to be careful."

Magnus laid his head on his husband's shoulder. "Can we go get waffles now?"

Jace was halfway through his third waffle, and Clary was just finishing her ninth when they heard the garage door opening.

Clary chuckled, "wow, they got here fast. Didn't they call less than half an hour ago?"

Jace nodded. "Wherever they went, it wasn't far."

Clary giggled, "it's almost like they were just across the street." She stood and walked behind Jace. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm gonna run upstairs and grab a sweater."

Jace nodded, leaning into her touch as she pulled away.

Just as Clary left, Jace heard Alec and Magnus coming down the hall. "Yes, I can smell the waffles from here. They didn't eat them all!"

"How did you know we made waffles?" Jace asked.

Alec entered the kitchen looking startled and wide-eyed. "Because. Uh. It is National Waffle Day."

Jace nodded, seeming like he actually believed it. "Cool. Didn't know that."

Alec mentally fist pumped at his convincing lie.

Magnus patted Alec on the back with his syrupy hand as he shoved a second waffle into his mouth. Alec cringed. "God, you've been spending too much time with Clary."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

There was a bang, like a door slamming. James whimpered in his baby seat and shoved his fist into his mouth.

Clary stomped down the stairs and into the kitchen. Magnus and Alec shuffled to the side to stay out of her warpath.

Clary stomped through the kitchen and flung what looked like an entire plastic crate at Jace's head.

"What the fuck is this?"

Jace took a mouthful of hard plastic to the face and fell out of his chair. He stood up, rubbing his jaw as he leaned over and opened the box. "A… box full of old shirts?"

"Not the box," Clary growled, and thrust a phone across the counter.

It was Jace's phone. He had left it upstairs when he came down for breakfast. It was unlocked, and on it was a text from Kaelie Whitewillow. _Hey baby, I'm back. I missed you. Dinner tonight? It's our anniversary 3_ And under it, a topless picture.

Jace swore under his breath. "It's not what it looks like."

"Really?" Clary demanded, her eyes filling with tears, "because it looks like when you told me you weren't seeing anyone you were lying. It looks like you cheated on this girl with me."

Jace shook his head, "no no no, it's not that at all—"

"I thought you were a lot of things Jace, but I didn't think you were a liar."

Jace stopped, and his eyes narrowed. "Liar? You think _I'm_ the liar? How about we talk about the fact that you _gave away our baby AND NEVER TOLD ME!"_

Clary started to yell over Jace. "I did tell you! I just told you a few days ago!"

"No you didn't! You told someone else and I just happened to hear you say it!"

James started to cry over the yelling. Alec took him out of his high chair and started to rock him, but otherwise did not interfere with the argument.

"Are you really mad that I didn't tell you or are you just mad that I gave the baby up in general? Did you ever even want kids or do you just feel territorial over something that grew inside of _me_ for nine months?"

"_Of course _I'm upset that you gave the baby up! You didn't even _try _to contact me!"

"You didn't try to contact me either!"

"I didn't even know you!"

"WELL I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW YOU EITHER!"

Jace turned to Alec and pointed an accusatory finger at Clary. "You have to choose. I can't live in the same house as her anymore. Both of you have to choose who stays and who—"

"Clary," Magnus and Alec both said in unison.

Jace dropped his hand. "What?"

"No offence Jace, but Clary does work here. And this is her only source of money. And you're super rich. And you have three other houses. I really don't know why you live with us."

Jace nodded solumnly. "Wow, my own brother. My own flesh and blood—"

"You're adopted."

"Abandoning me to live on the streets—"

"Three houses."

"To starve and die alone." Jace sniffed and wiped a tear from beneath his eye. He stormed out of the room and left to pack his bags.

Clary sunk down onto a chair by the kitchen island. She dropped her face into her hands and broke down crying.

**Wow we updated in a smaller amount of time than 6 months! Wow!**

**There are only like 4 chapters left. We hope you enjoy!**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	18. Chapter 18

Uh He's Mine

Jace slammed his bedroom door and stomped his feet as he made his way to his closet. He grabbed his monogrammed Gucci bag and stuffed it with the necessities: undies, a couple of shirts, condoms, and shampoo. That was it. He was moving out and never turning back. If Alec didn't want him here then he would leave and never come back.

After he had all of his things gathered, he came back downstairs and walked back into the kitchen, where everyone was still standing as he had left them.

"Jace, you don't have to leave," Alec said. Jace prefered to think he was begging.

"It's too late Alec, you've made your choice. You'd rather keep _her_ than your own brother." He took his keys out of his pocket and, with much difficulty, opened his keyring and slid the house key off. He slammed the key onto the table and picked up his bag. "If there's anything anyone wants to say to me before I leave forever, now is the time."

Clary was staring at Magnus' shirt, like the pattern was more important than looking into Jace's beautiful eyes one last time.

Jace sighed and turned towards the door. "Goodbye forever." He walked to the door and turned back. "Are you going to Maryse's this Sunday?"

Alec shook his head, "no we're having Sunday lunch here."

"Ah," Jace nodded. "See you then." He finally turned and left.

Jace went into the garage and put his bag into the back seat of his Tesla. Then he reached under the driver's seat and pulled out his black ski mask.

He pulled the ski mask over his face, took off his shoes, and crept back into the house.

Jace scurried past the kitchen, where Magnus, Alec and Clary had their heads bowed. Clearly, they were mourning the loss of the most important person in their life.

Once he was past the kitchen, he sock-slid down the rest of the hallway and into Alec's office.

Back in the kitchen, Clary lifted her head. "So we're just supposed to pretend he didn't just walk back into the house in a ski mask?"

Alec put his hand over her mouth. "Sh sh sh, just let him do whatever he needs to do."

"Alexander," Magnus interjected. "I think he's robbing us."

"Sh sh sh, just let it happen."

In Alec's office, Jace reached into the bottom drawer of the large oak desk and pulled out one of those big cylinders that you put papers in. He uncapped it and peered inside, snickering evilly. Then, like the ninja he was, he opened the window and maneuvered his way out, gracefully landing on his face.

Once he was out of the house, he sprinted around to the garage entrance to get into his car and sped away into the night.

"Where the hell is John?"

Jordan rubbed his eyes tiredly, as if 2am was a late hour or something. "What? Jace? Why are you wearing a ski mask?"

Jace pulled the black mask off his face and repeated; "where's John?"

Jordan shook his head. "We've only been dating for a few months… he doesn't live with me."

Jace sighed. "Then where is he?"

"Wow, nice to see you too."

A car pulled into the driveway and a familiar blond got out, slamming the door behind him. "Jace, I knew you'd be here."

Jace turned and threw himself into John's arms. "How did you know I was here"

John patted his back affectionately. "I heard about what happened, and I knew you would come looking for me. I just wanted to be here for you, bro."

"Bro," Jace choked.

Jordan threw his hands in the air and walked away, leaving the door ajar for the two of them. "Come in if you want. I'm going back to bed."

John led Jace inside and sat him down on the couch. "Listen, I just want to say that I love my sister and she had every right to be upset with you and you definitely said some shit that was out of line. But I can't believe she did this to you."

Jace nodded, wiping a tear away from his cheek. "I know right!" he squeeked, and threw himself into John's arms again.

"It's ok, bro. Just let it out. I'm here for you, bro."

Jace woke up the next morning to his beautiful wife rubbing his back. "Good morning, sunshine." She kissed him on the cheek.

Jace turned and sat up slowly. He was confused for a moment, but then when he saw Clary sitting beside him he understood. This was the house they had together. Because married couples usually had houses together.

She smiled her gorgeous smile and kissed him, despite his morning breath. "I didn't want to wake you, but someone wanted to see you." She reached down beside her and, seemingly out of nowhere, pulled out a baby.

The kid couldn't have been more than a year old. She had curly red hair like Clary's that fell just past her tiny shoulders. She had big gold eyes and tiny hands that reached towards Jace, like little baby sausages.

Clary put the baby on Jace's lap and he tried his best not to drop it. The baby reached up and touched his cheek affectionately. "Dada!" she said in a very baby way.

Jace chuckled. Not because it was funny, but because he had no idea what was going on.

He looked up at Clary, hoping for some kind of explanation.

Clary just smiled her beautiful smile, and Jace felt his heart stop in his chest. She reached forward and scooped the baby off of his lap. "Come on, Peanut. Maybe we should let Daddy sleep for a little longer." She headed for the door, mumbling something to the baby about going to make breakfast for him. She kissed Peanut's forehead as she left, and Jace was suddenly overcome with a feeling of guilt. He couldn't explain why, he just knew he needed to apologize to her.

Jace got out of bed and ran after Clary. She had already reached the stairs and was about to head down them when Jace stopped her.

"Clary," he called out, and she stopped.

As she turned towards him, their infant child still clutched in her arms, her foot slipped and she went tumbling down the stairs…

Jace sat up, out of breath and disorientated. He looked around, unsure of where he was, but then he remembered everything that happened with Clary.

He laid back down and wrapped his arms around John again and went back to sleep.

**hope quarantine has been treating everyone well.**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


	19. Chapter 19

Beauuuuuuutiful architecture!

Alec gazed longingly at the huge stone castle in the distance. Despite the fact that it had only been built this month, they somehow managed to make the bricks look aged and worn, and ivy grew against the walls as though the structure had been there for years.

"It's about time we get to see the inside of this thing," Magnus said as he drove through the long forested driveway. "They've been building it for ages."

"It's only been two weeks," Clary scoffed.

Alec nodded. "They built this whole place in a fortnight! Look at how amazing the east wing looks. Are you kidding me?"

"Alec, please don't get horny for the architecture in front of our new neighbours."

"But Magnus! The bricks!"

Magnus shook his head and sighed. The car pulled into the grand driveway beside a lux fountain at the center of the drive.

Clary strapped James into her baby backpack and exited the car, followed by Alec and Magnus. They would have waited for their new neighbour to greet them outside, but the door swung open ominously on its own. The three of them entered suspiciously.

"This is kind of creepy," Magnus noted.

Alec nodded, looking around the entrance hall with his mouth wide open. "The best houses are just the right amount of beautiful and creepy. This is all so amazing. And oddly familiar. It's like this place was built for me."

"Or by you," Clary commented, pointing towards the large marble fountain at the center of the entrance hall.

The fountain was at least ten feet high and just as wide. The statues in the middle portrayed a classic Greek scene of one lover pouring water from a vase onto the other. You know, because the Greeks were all weird and slutty. Each statue was a display of perfectly carved abs and impossibly flowing stone hair. They were also two people that Clary unfortunately recognised.

"Is that supposed to be Jace and John?" Alec noted in horror. He spun around, noting the grand double staircase, the skylight showering sunlight onto the marble fountain, the exposed brick, and let out a soft and horrified squeak. "My blueprints! My house!"

"Oh yeah," Magnus whispered. "I guess that's what Jace stole when he came back that one time…"

Alec pointed to the statue in horror, tears streaming down his cheek. "This was supposed to be the Venus de Milo! Not this pornographic perversion!"

"Did someone say porn?" came a voice from the overhanging balcony.

There stood Jace, wearing nothing but an untied silk robe and spongebob briefs. He held a glass of wine that was obviously full of protein shake, and leaned against the railing in a way that somehow displayed his abs. "Oh hello new neighbours," he greeted. "Welcome to my humble abode."

A large office chair suddenly wheeled in from the next room, the back facing them. "Well hello sister, I've been expecting you." John spun around in his chair to face them. He was wearing a matching robe to Jace's and fanning himself with a hot pink lace hand fan.

"John," Jace called from above. "I told you we're not doing the gay godfather thing."

John slammed his fan shut and pouted. "Well at least my entrance didn't have anything to do with porn."

"Hey," Alec interrupted them before they could begin bickering. "Jace, you stole my blueprints for my dream house and built it right next to my actual house?"

"Yes, genius isn't it?"

"Not really but ok," Alec mumbled.

"If you had only chosen me to stay instead of this lying—"

John coughed.

"This misleading—"

John coughed again.

"Well what am I supposed to call her?"

John shrugged. "My sister?"

"Uh…" Jace took a sip of his protein shake wine. "If you had only chosen me instead of my sister who had my baby… no that isn't right."

"Enough," Alec interrupted. "Jace, I know you're hurt by what happened but you shouldn't have given us an ultimatum to begin with. You have loads of money left for you by your parents. Clary works in our house and it's her only source of income. It wouldn't have been fair to make her leave."

Clary stood silently off to the side, holding James and distracting herself by kissing his forehead. She refused to look up at Jace or her brother.

"That's not the point," Jace said, pouting worse than James did. "I'm your brother. It's the principle of the thing."

"You two don't have to fight," Magnus suggested. "You could just bang it out. Maybe that'll solve all your problems."

"Or have a discussion like adults," Alec suggested.

"Oh, like discuss how she threw our beautiful baby in the trash like some kind of Mexican tapeworm she had removed?"

John coughed obnoxiously.

"John," Jace snipped. "If you want me to stop, you gotta cough before I finish saying it."

"I'm sorry," Clary finally said, looking up at Jace like he was a fly she's been trying to swat for hours. "I am so fucking sorry that I went through an enourmously painful and tedious process to have our baby adopted into a safe and loving home because I knew that if I had kept her she would not have survived. I'm so sorry that you were hurt by the idea of a baby that you never would have even met living with another family who can provide for her and care for her. I'm sorry that I had no way of getting in contact with you or knowing that you were rich or even knowing if you wanted the baby and that I had to make all the decisions on my own. I'm so fucking sorry, Jace, that _you_ are so upset over this ordeal, because I _never_ gave a shit about the baby that I carried in my body for nine months and cried over having to give her up because I couldn't afford to feed her. I _never_ think about it and get upset now at all. I guess it's just you that's upset about the baby that I _threw in the garbage_."

"Clary, I'm—" Jace started.

"Sorry, Magnus," Clary interrupted. "I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't even check his privilege enough to understand that people die from being poor. And what I did was for the good of both me and my baby. Forget the stupid naked picture. If you can't understand that what I did was to give our child a better life, then I have no desire to be with you." Clary turned and stormed out of the grand hall.

"Clary, wait!" John called after her. He stood from his wheelie chair and followed her out.

**Yes, we finally updated! there are only 2 chapters left and they'll be up soon. No more waiting 6 months for each chapter! We promise!**


	20. Chapter 20

I don't think she's gonna make it

John peered through the crack in Jace's bedroom door. He was lying in bed, wearing nothing but an old white t-shirt covered in stains and grey sweatpants that had a hole in the crotch. He sniffled softly as The Notebook played quietly from his laptop. He shovelled more ice cream into his mouth.

John shook his head and sighed. "I don't know, Alec. He doesn't look good. I've never seen him this bad."

Alec sighed aggressively. "Maybe because you've only known him for like 4 days."

John ignored this and leaned away from the door. He walked out towards the stairs where cell reception was better. "We need to do something to end this before he eats his abs away. Alec… his abs."

"Stay focused," Alec hissed. "What do you want me to do about it? He dug his own grave here. Clary's not happy either."

"I was talking to him last night," John said. "He said he's really upset about what happened and regrets what he said. He wants a chance to make things right with Clary. I think he's realizing how much of a dick he's been and is starting to understand her side of things."

"Hm," Alec pondered. "Maybe we could organise something. Think you could get him over to my place? I'm sure if we could just get the two of them alone in a room together we could try to get the conversation started."

"Yeah, I can give it a try. Anything to get him out of bed and away from that tub of ice cream. I haven't seen Jordan in days because I've been stuck on babysitting duty…"

"Listen, just get him over here and Magnus and I can handle the rest."

"Why can't I wear this?" Jace wined. He had moved on from ice cream to eating cake with his fist like a baby. He sat at the kitchen counter watching Twilight on his laptop and shovelling cake into his face.

"Because you look like shit and you smell worse. Alec wants to have a bros night, how are we supposed to bro out if you stink like an unwashed dick?"

"Alec doesn't care about how I smell."

"He will once he smells you. Trust me, this is vile. Also you look like a fresh corpse."

"Aha!" Jace exclaimed. "So you admit I look fresh!"

John threw his hands in the air. "You know what, I give up. Wear whatever you want. Just wash the cake off your hands and let's go."

Jace stood and started licking the cake from his fingers.

By the time they reached Magnus and Alec's place, it was almost dark. John had insisted on walking, mostly because he didn't want Jace in any form of vehicle.

Once they had reached the end of the driveway, they knocked on the door.

Jace was suddenly knocked back by a powerful spray of water. John turned and saw Magnus standing outside of the garage with what looked like a power washer. He was wearing a head-to-toe bedazzled hazmat suit and a gas mask underneath.

Jace sat on the driveway and pouted like a child as Magnus sprayed him down and slowly approached close enough to throw some dish soap onto him, which lathered quickly under the powerful spray of the hose.

"Sorry, Jace," Magnus exclaimed over his 2 layers of protection. "We could smell you coming from before you even left your house. Don't want the baby losing brain cells over your stench."

Once all the soap had been washed off of him and he was thoroughly soaked, Jace stood and began wringing his clothes out.

"There's fresh clothes for you in the garage." He turned and led them towards the side entrance.

Jace entered the garage and immediately shook his head. "I'm not wearing that."

"Then you're not coming inside."

Jace sighed and began stripping off his soaked clothes.

Magnus took out a blowdryer and a stool. "Sit down. Don't make me get the curler too."

Jace clenched his jaw but obeyed, and sat still while Magnus blow dried and fluffed his hair into a quaff that he normally would never sport.

Once he was done, Jace put on the dress pants and shirt. "Do I have to wear the jacket and tie?"

"Yes," Magnus hissed. "They complete the outfit."

"What about the shoes? We're just hanging out ins—"

"_Yes_, it is all mandatory."

"A full tuxedo, Mag?"

"Put it on or you're not coming in."

Jace sighed again and finished getting dressed. He protested only a bit when Magnus clipped a boutineer to his jacket pocket.

"Also take this," Magnus handed him a rose. "It completes the outfit."

Jace rolled his eyes and took the rose, but threw it to the floor when they entered the house. "Ok, enough. I know I'm here to talk with Clary, so enough dressup and enough games. Where is she?"

John sighed. "The nursery."

Magnus picked up the rose and tried to hand it to Jace again as he walked past them towards the staircase.

"Wait, Jace!" Magnus called. "Check your right pocket!"

Jace rolled his eyes but reached into his right pocket anyway. He found a small tin of mints and nodded at Magnus in thanks, pouring the entire thing into his mouth.

"Now check the left pocket," Magnus suggested.

Jace reached into his left pocket and pulled out a whole string of condoms. He rolled his eyes and turned to whip them back at Magnus. "Knock it off."

He left without looking back and walked up the stairs, shrugging off his jacket on the way. He tried not to sigh in exasperation when he saw more condoms fall from the jacket pocket. By the time he reached the nursery door, he was already removing his tie and kicking off his shoes.

He didn't knock. The door was open.

"Clary?"

She turned towards him, looking unsurprised but still annoyed.

"Here to talk, I assume?" she mumbled, putting James down in his crib.

He stood up immediately and held onto the front railing, bouncing on his little feet.

Jace stepped into the room tentatively, trying to gage how hostile Clary was before invading her space.

"Here to apologize, actually," Jace corrected. "I'm sorry for everything I said, and I'm sorry for how I've been acting these past few weeks. I know I've put you in a really difficult position and have only made things more uncomfortable for you. I wish I could go back and undo all of that, but I can't. I understand now how everything that I've said has just been cruel and unproductive, and I want a second chance to make things right. I really care about you, and I think we could make this work… if you're willing to give this dumb asshole another shot."

"I don't know," Clary muttered. She was looking at the far wall, refusing to turn fully towards him. Her eyes were wet and red like she had been crying, like she was still crying… "Why don't you ask Kaelie? Seems like you two have a lot of chemistry."

Jace sighed in indignation. "That… I can explain that. I should have explained that a while ago. Kaelie is… an old friend. We used to hook up every once in a while back in the day, but I haven't seen her in a long time. Not since I first met you. She texted me out of nowhere, I swear. I want nothing to do with her."

Clary exhaled slowly and reached up to wipe her eyes. "Well… I accept your apology. Thank you. I guess I might be willing to give this another try. But I'll need a little time to forget about what happened."

Jace nodded and reached out slowly to rub her back. "I understand. Take all the time you need. I'm just happy I don't have to avoid you anymore."

Clary picked up James and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Well I guess we should go and tell the others that the war is over."

They stepped out of the nursery together and walked down the stairs into the living room to what looked like a surprise baby shower.

"Surprise!" Magnus cried, blowing on a party blower thing. There was a blue banner on the wall that said in giant letters 'IT WASN'T A GIRL!' and a large blue cake on the table. Alec stood in the corner rubbing the bridge of his nose like he was about to have a migraine. John sat on the couch looking as confused as Clary felt.

"What… is this?" Clary asked. She handed the baby to Alec as he approached.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to Clary. "I begged him not to do it this way…"

"Magnus, this is really insensitive."

"No, no, Clary, you don't understand. Sign these papers and you can have James!"

"What?" Clary yelled.

Jace let out a single shocked laugh. John somehow managed to look even more confused than before.

"Magnus," Clary said slowly. She knew he hadn't thrown a party in a while and the withdrawal must have been getting to him. "I appreciate the sentiment but Jace and I are ok now. We don't need a replacement baby to make this better. And we definitely don't need _your_ baby. You can't just go around giving children away."

Alec sighed. "I told you this was a weird way to tell them."

"Alec, shush." Magnus turned back to Clary and Jace. "Let me clarify. James is your biological child."

"Excuse me?" Clary exclaimed.

"Magnus," Jace warned. "This isn't funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny!" Magnus yelled. "Like maybe at first I was being a little dramatic but this is all for realsies! We did blood tests, he is your child." He handed them a piece of paper.

Clary ripped the paper from Magnus' hands and examined the contents of the page. Her eyes slowly widened further and further as she read.

"_This_ is why you stole my blood?" Jace demanded.

"I can't believe it," Clary muttered. "What are the chances?"

"One in a million," Alec replied. "Kind of seems like it was meant to be, right?"

Clary laughed and took James from Alec's arms. She stared at him in wonder. "I can't believe you've been in front of me the whole time and I never realized."

"I can't believe you've been handling his shit this whole time and you never realized," Magnus mumbled.

"You waited this long to say anything," Jace noted.

"Well," Alec shrugged. "You two weren't exactly parent material before."

"I don't know if we're parent material _now_," Jace countered.

"Hey, I'm a nanny, bitch," Clary said. "Of course I'm parent material."

Jace shook his head. "But… are you willing to be a parent with _me_? Now? After we _just_ fixed things like not even 10 minutes ago? And they're barely even fixed?"

Clary shrugged. "I'm willing to try if you are. And if it doesn't work out, we can just keep the receipt and return him."

"Haha," Jace said sarcastically. "But seriously… do you… want to be the mother of my child?"

"Listen," Clary narrowed her eyes. "I've already been taking care of him for the past year. And I've been dealing with you for just as long. Sounds like now I'm finally getting a pay raise and maybe a ring to go with it, why wouldn't I want that? Besides, I've always wanted to marry rich."

Jace laughed and put his arm around her. "Alright. If you're willing to try then so am I."

"I have rules though," Clary said, putting up a finger.

"Oh, I'm sure you do. And I can't wait to hear them."

Magnus jumped up and down and clapped his hands like a child. "Alec! Alec! It worked! My grand plan worked! I did it! I did it all by myself!"

Alec patted his husband on the back. "You know what? Yeah, you did."

"We do have one problem though," Jace said, looking at Alec. "The house I just built isn't exactly child-friendly. I think it might make more sense for Clary and I to live here. Maybe you and Magnus could…"

"YESYESYEYSYEYESYEYESYEYESYYESYEYSYESYEYSYESYESYEYSYESYESYEYSEYSYSYESYSYYYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYYSYSYSYSYSYSYSYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Alec screamed and picked Jace up from around his waist. He twirled him around and dropped him to the ground, then kissed him on the cheek. "Give me my fucking dream house, you dilf!"

John cleared his throat. "Sooo...I'm really happy that everything is working out for you guys but… Maybe I should just pretend not to have known any of this and you guys can just tell me when you tell everyone else at the grand reveal party… I'll just… leave." He stood, picked up the entire cake, and wobbled out like a child who just snuck a cookie from the cookie jar. "See you guys in a few days! Good luck with… all of that."

Clary laughed and waved James' hand like it was her own. "Goodbye uncle John! Say hello to uncle Jordan for me," she said in her best baby voice.

John sobbed quietly. "Stop, I'm gonna cry!" He scurried out.

Alec sighed and flopped onto the couch. "I'm so happy everything worked out."

**This was the second last chapter guys! The finale will be u soon. Thanks for reading!**

**xoxo**

**-R&A**


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